About Me
- Jason 温浩贤 Wan
- Broken/Loner/Failure/Clingy/Needy/Chinese/Hypocrite/Cry Baby/Emotional/Gamer/Gold Farmer/Slacker/Lazy/Male/Need I Say More?
Tuesday, 17 August 2010
Tuesday, 10 August 2010
Barriers...
1 Corinthians 13:13 (New International Version)
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Hey wow... Time to be real...
My biggest barrier... Dealing, handling, viewing and prioritising relationships in my life; usually because I expect more from a person than what they want to give... I expect 80% but I only receive 30%... Relationships... Relationships... I don't explicitly mean Boy-Girl I mean relationships as a whole, friends and family.
1 Peter 3:8 (New Living Translation)
All Christians
8 Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.
John 13:34-35 (New Living Translation)
34 So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. 35 Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”
Matthew 28:19 (New Living Translation)
19 Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations,[a] baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit
Proverbs 27:10 (New International Version)
10 Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father,
and do not go to your brother's house when disaster strikes you—
better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.
Sometimes I wonder to myself...
Who do I take for granted, which "friends" could i treat better, take more notice, who do I owe some valuable one-on-one time with or who can give more Love back to...
cos seriously... is there a worse feeling than feeling un-needed? just to be tossed away?
I mean Hell...
"I may not mean much to the world but I may mean the world to one person"
sheesh... I mean its freaking hard to just even survive in life with a purpose, someone to You are doing things for, someones praise You seek... sure God is there, but just sometimes it would be so awesome just to know that I'm needed by someone, a person. As ashamed as I am to say, sometimes I just feel like of course God has blessed me with people around me, a heart that wants to help others, but jeez... Sometimes its just far too stressful, upsetting, demoralizing and just plain discouraging when people selfishly take advantage, they just take and take and take and take ONLY when they need You, but hey when there is something/someone else to keep You occupied You just up and leave, then oh, what a surprise; something will happen, I will be there, waiting patiently, diligently, honestly for You... And I guess I am stupid enough to think things will be different... Even when it is different people, they always have the same outcome... Sigh... Yet for some strange reason I continue to put my self on the line... Why? I don't know... It's not really like I benefit much from it... Even after the first few times... It is as though I just don't learn... I just fall in to the same old same old...
Is this really my purpose in life? To just be used when I'm needed and tossed away once my purpose has been served?
Matthew 25:14-30 (New Living Translation)
Parable of the Three Servants
14 “Again, the Kingdom of Heaven can be illustrated by the story of a man going on a long trip. He called together his servants and entrusted his money to them while he was gone. 15 He gave five bags of silver[a] to one, two bags of silver to another, and one bag of silver to the last—dividing it in proportion to their abilities. He then left on his trip.
16 “The servant who received the five bags of silver began to invest the money and earned five more. 17 The servant with two bags of silver also went to work and earned two more. 18 But the servant who received the one bag of silver dug a hole in the ground and hid the master’s money.
19 “After a long time their master returned from his trip and called them to give an account of how they had used his money. 20 The servant to whom he had entrusted the five bags of silver came forward with five more and said, ‘Master, you gave me five bags of silver to invest, and I have earned five more.’
21 “The master was full of praise. ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together![b]’
22 “The servant who had received the two bags of silver came forward and said, ‘Master, you gave me two bags of silver to invest, and I have earned two more.’
23 “The master said, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!’
24 “Then the servant with the one bag of silver came and said, ‘Master, I knew you were a harsh man, harvesting crops you didn’t plant and gathering crops you didn’t cultivate. 25 I was afraid I would lose your money, so I hid it in the earth. Look, here is your money back.’
26 “But the master replied, ‘You wicked and lazy servant! If you knew I harvested crops I didn’t plant and gathered crops I didn’t cultivate, 27 why didn’t you deposit my money in the bank? At least I could have gotten some interest on it.’
28 “Then he ordered, ‘Take the money from this servant, and give it to the one with the ten bags of silver. 29 To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away. 30 Now throw this useless servant into outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’
Great... Well because God is good I'm willing to continue in this "temporary" anguish if it means that others will even get a glimpse of His Love.
1 Peter 1:22 (New Living Translation)
22 You were cleansed from your sins when you obeyed the truth, so now you must show sincere love to each other as brothers and sisters.[a] Love each other deeply with all your heart
Sigh... To truly feel Joy...
Joy
J-Jesus
O-Others
Y-Yourself
So why do I feel I can only attain JO, I feel stuck; because of the O i can't seem to reach the Y. The O just decides that it just doesn't want me.
Psalm 34:18 (New International Version)
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Foundations, foundations... Foundations will be tested and rocked... But... My foundations must be firm...
Matthew 7:24-27 (New Living Translation)
Building on a Solid Foundation
24 “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. 25 Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. 26 But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. 27 When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”
Joshua 1:9 (New Living Translation)
9 This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lordyour God is with you wherever you go.”
Proverbs 3:5-6 (New Living Translation)
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
6 Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take.
Psalm 32:8 (New Living Translation)
8 The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.
I will advise you and watch over you.
Jeremiah 29:11 (New Living Translation)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Hebrews 12:15 (New Living Translation)
15 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.
Matthew 5:13-16 (New Living Translation)
Teaching about Salt and Light
13 “You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless.
14 “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. 15 No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.
Acts 20:35 (New International Version)
35In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.' "
1 Corinthians 10:31 (New Living Translation)
31 So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
It may not be exactly what I want... But is it about what I want or what He wants? I hold on to His Promises...
Job 8:21 (New Living Translation)
21 He will once again fill your mouth with laughter
and your lips with shouts of joy.
He will strengthen me if what I do is His will
Matthew 11:28 (New International Version)
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
1 Peter 5:7 (New International Version)
7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Isaiah 40:31 (New International Version)
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
So currently all I do is pray; prayer a powerful weapon that God has blessed us with.
James 5:16 (New International Version)
16Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
1 Thessalonians 5:17 (New International Version)
17pray continually;
So... I shall continue for Him, because of His Love and blessing I shall in return aim to Love and bless others regardless of my own situation, but there are times when I just can't take any more without venting... Or at least attempting to let You know...
Proverbs 18:24 (New International Version)
24 A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 17:17 (New International Version)
17 A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for adversity.
Proverbs 27:17 (New International Version)
17 As iron sharpens iron,
so one man sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:19 (New International Version)
19 As water reflects a face,
so a man's heart reflects the man.
I believe in the sun
Even when it isn’t shining.
I believe in Love
Even when I am alone.
I believe in God
Even when He is silent.
So...
God Loves You...
I Love You...
Isaiah 40:8 (New International Version)
8 The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of our God stands forever."
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Hey wow... Time to be real...
My biggest barrier... Dealing, handling, viewing and prioritising relationships in my life; usually because I expect more from a person than what they want to give... I expect 80% but I only receive 30%... Relationships... Relationships... I don't explicitly mean Boy-Girl I mean relationships as a whole, friends and family.
1 Peter 3:8 (New Living Translation)
All Christians
8 Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.
John 13:34-35 (New Living Translation)
34 So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. 35 Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”
Matthew 28:19 (New Living Translation)
19 Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations,[a] baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit
Proverbs 27:10 (New International Version)
10 Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father,
and do not go to your brother's house when disaster strikes you—
better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.
Sometimes I wonder to myself...
Who do I take for granted, which "friends" could i treat better, take more notice, who do I owe some valuable one-on-one time with or who can give more Love back to...
cos seriously... is there a worse feeling than feeling un-needed? just to be tossed away?
I mean Hell...
"I may not mean much to the world but I may mean the world to one person"
sheesh... I mean its freaking hard to just even survive in life with a purpose, someone to You are doing things for, someones praise You seek... sure God is there, but just sometimes it would be so awesome just to know that I'm needed by someone, a person. As ashamed as I am to say, sometimes I just feel like of course God has blessed me with people around me, a heart that wants to help others, but jeez... Sometimes its just far too stressful, upsetting, demoralizing and just plain discouraging when people selfishly take advantage, they just take and take and take and take ONLY when they need You, but hey when there is something/someone else to keep You occupied You just up and leave, then oh, what a surprise; something will happen, I will be there, waiting patiently, diligently, honestly for You... And I guess I am stupid enough to think things will be different... Even when it is different people, they always have the same outcome... Sigh... Yet for some strange reason I continue to put my self on the line... Why? I don't know... It's not really like I benefit much from it... Even after the first few times... It is as though I just don't learn... I just fall in to the same old same old...
Is this really my purpose in life? To just be used when I'm needed and tossed away once my purpose has been served?
Matthew 25:14-30 (New Living Translation)
Parable of the Three Servants
14 “Again, the Kingdom of Heaven can be illustrated by the story of a man going on a long trip. He called together his servants and entrusted his money to them while he was gone. 15 He gave five bags of silver[a] to one, two bags of silver to another, and one bag of silver to the last—dividing it in proportion to their abilities. He then left on his trip.
16 “The servant who received the five bags of silver began to invest the money and earned five more. 17 The servant with two bags of silver also went to work and earned two more. 18 But the servant who received the one bag of silver dug a hole in the ground and hid the master’s money.
19 “After a long time their master returned from his trip and called them to give an account of how they had used his money. 20 The servant to whom he had entrusted the five bags of silver came forward with five more and said, ‘Master, you gave me five bags of silver to invest, and I have earned five more.’
21 “The master was full of praise. ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together![b]’
22 “The servant who had received the two bags of silver came forward and said, ‘Master, you gave me two bags of silver to invest, and I have earned two more.’
23 “The master said, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!’
24 “Then the servant with the one bag of silver came and said, ‘Master, I knew you were a harsh man, harvesting crops you didn’t plant and gathering crops you didn’t cultivate. 25 I was afraid I would lose your money, so I hid it in the earth. Look, here is your money back.’
26 “But the master replied, ‘You wicked and lazy servant! If you knew I harvested crops I didn’t plant and gathered crops I didn’t cultivate, 27 why didn’t you deposit my money in the bank? At least I could have gotten some interest on it.’
28 “Then he ordered, ‘Take the money from this servant, and give it to the one with the ten bags of silver. 29 To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away. 30 Now throw this useless servant into outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’
Great... Well because God is good I'm willing to continue in this "temporary" anguish if it means that others will even get a glimpse of His Love.
1 Peter 1:22 (New Living Translation)
22 You were cleansed from your sins when you obeyed the truth, so now you must show sincere love to each other as brothers and sisters.[a] Love each other deeply with all your heart
Sigh... To truly feel Joy...
Joy
J-Jesus
O-Others
Y-Yourself
So why do I feel I can only attain JO, I feel stuck; because of the O i can't seem to reach the Y. The O just decides that it just doesn't want me.
Psalm 34:18 (New International Version)
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Foundations, foundations... Foundations will be tested and rocked... But... My foundations must be firm...
Matthew 7:24-27 (New Living Translation)
Building on a Solid Foundation
24 “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. 25 Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. 26 But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. 27 When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”
Joshua 1:9 (New Living Translation)
9 This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lordyour God is with you wherever you go.”
Proverbs 3:5-6 (New Living Translation)
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
6 Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take.
Psalm 32:8 (New Living Translation)
8 The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.
I will advise you and watch over you.
Jeremiah 29:11 (New Living Translation)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Hebrews 12:15 (New Living Translation)
15 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.
Matthew 5:13-16 (New Living Translation)
Teaching about Salt and Light
13 “You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless.
14 “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. 15 No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.
Acts 20:35 (New International Version)
35In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.' "
1 Corinthians 10:31 (New Living Translation)
31 So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
It may not be exactly what I want... But is it about what I want or what He wants? I hold on to His Promises...
Job 8:21 (New Living Translation)
21 He will once again fill your mouth with laughter
and your lips with shouts of joy.
He will strengthen me if what I do is His will
Matthew 11:28 (New International Version)
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
1 Peter 5:7 (New International Version)
7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Isaiah 40:31 (New International Version)
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
So currently all I do is pray; prayer a powerful weapon that God has blessed us with.
James 5:16 (New International Version)
16Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
1 Thessalonians 5:17 (New International Version)
17pray continually;
So... I shall continue for Him, because of His Love and blessing I shall in return aim to Love and bless others regardless of my own situation, but there are times when I just can't take any more without venting... Or at least attempting to let You know...
Proverbs 18:24 (New International Version)
24 A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 17:17 (New International Version)
17 A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for adversity.
Proverbs 27:17 (New International Version)
17 As iron sharpens iron,
so one man sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:19 (New International Version)
19 As water reflects a face,
so a man's heart reflects the man.
I believe in the sun
Even when it isn’t shining.
I believe in Love
Even when I am alone.
I believe in God
Even when He is silent.
So...
God Loves You...
I Love You...
Isaiah 40:8 (New International Version)
8 The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of our God stands forever."
Salvation is here...
He doesn't care...
God is for all =D
who You are
where You're from
what You did
as long as You Love Him
God is for all =D
who You are
where You're from
what You did
as long as You Love Him
Saturday, 29 May 2010
Friday, 7 May 2010
~# Run... #
This is what is in my heart...
why will it not enter my mind?
You were God from the outset
Powerful and creative
You who saw us here before you called
All the stars and the earth to existence
You are God you are Holy
History is you story
You, who was and is
And who forever will be
God we live for your Glory
So we will run
All together our hearts aflame
With a fire that can't be tamed
Our God all Glory to your name
Jesus
You are God you are freedom
You're alive now within us
You who saw us here before
You conquered the grave
And delivered on the promise
We will run
Our surrender to bring you fame
Our desire that you be praised
Our God all Glory to your name
Jesus
-----------------------
My mind which is filled with so many impure thoughts.
Thoughts of rage, anger, wrath and pain...
Need I say more?
I'm not perfect... but I'm trying...
So that's how You want to do things?
This truly is an immaculate display of idiotic blindness...
You do that, You continue to be moulded, to be ordered around, always following and changing so that You can suit His "needs/wants/desires".
Freaking stupid dicks.
Believe me, You are HUMAN You will NEVER be enough to satisfy, when that day comes, when You can no longer fulfil the needs or fulfil the requirements... You will know how painful it truly, so until then; You live Your life how You deem fit. My opinion OBVIOUSLY MEANS NOTHING, MEANS SQUAT to You.
What kind of stupid insecure retard needs to PICK between friends?
How insecure...
How pathetic...
How STUPID...
do you have to be?
Even more STUPID is the IDIOT who actually picks.
I hope You realise that the fact that You were indirectly asked to choose between me and him makes You realise that who actually had the better intentions for You, what kind of a DICK HEAD asks You to choose between friends?
You live with Your decision, I hope You think it is the right one, the one which will keep You happy for your entire life. I hope you NEVER regret it... Once you begin to regret You will realise You have NEITHER.
Well, the fact that You heeded this question and answered PROVES how You are so UNDESERVING of my friendship... I can honestly, sincerely say I would of done almost anything had You just asked with no thought of repayment or bargaining...
Well You made your choice live with it. I have made my choice, I'll live with it.
Have it Your way then, be that way, I can honestly say I tried, I tried to understand and pretend; that didn't work. I tried being harsh so I could be totally honest; that didn't work either. What else can I do or say?
Nothing... All I can do is wait and pray...
So be it.
You have Your own life You live it however You want, I have no control over it.
You will never know what it's like, I hope that it stays that way for Your own sake.
I do find it slightly distressing how You make it out to be my fault, all I can say to that is why the balls don't You try seeing it from my point of view, You stupid ignorant piece of turd; I can no longer contain my bitter resentment. A turd that doesn't deserve even a PORTION of the effort I have and would pour in to You.
I don't need another hindrance to continue to drag and hold me down....................
Especially a pathetic one that can so easily throw people away...
Thanks for making me feel so much worse than I ever should.
Thanks for using me so that You can feel good.
Thanks for wasting all my effort.
Thanks for destroying all my self esteem, trampling all over it.
Thanks for showing me how some people on this earth are...
I would Love to say that this had made me a stronger person; that this has helped me to build my character, that this has refined me as a person...
But no, this has weakened me substantially, to a point where I am unable to trust wholeheartedly in anything, yes I blame You.
I bid You farewell and Adieu...
All acknowledgement of Your existence shall be kept strictly in prayer only...
As I'm "not allowed" to speak to You. It was Your decision, You made it, You keep it.
Actions have consequences, I have a limit, I can only take a certain amount of hits before I give up... I would Love to say that I can keep getting up continuously without any lasting damage... But that just isn't true.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Isaiah 40:8
8 The grass withers and the flowers fade,
but the word of our God stands forever.”
why will it not enter my mind?
You were God from the outset
Powerful and creative
You who saw us here before you called
All the stars and the earth to existence
You are God you are Holy
History is you story
You, who was and is
And who forever will be
God we live for your Glory
So we will run
All together our hearts aflame
With a fire that can't be tamed
Our God all Glory to your name
Jesus
You are God you are freedom
You're alive now within us
You who saw us here before
You conquered the grave
And delivered on the promise
We will run
Our surrender to bring you fame
Our desire that you be praised
Our God all Glory to your name
Jesus
-----------------------
My mind which is filled with so many impure thoughts.
Thoughts of rage, anger, wrath and pain...
Need I say more?
I'm not perfect... but I'm trying...
So that's how You want to do things?
This truly is an immaculate display of idiotic blindness...
You do that, You continue to be moulded, to be ordered around, always following and changing so that You can suit His "needs/wants/desires".
Freaking stupid dicks.
Believe me, You are HUMAN You will NEVER be enough to satisfy, when that day comes, when You can no longer fulfil the needs or fulfil the requirements... You will know how painful it truly, so until then; You live Your life how You deem fit. My opinion OBVIOUSLY MEANS NOTHING, MEANS SQUAT to You.
What kind of stupid insecure retard needs to PICK between friends?
How insecure...
How pathetic...
How STUPID...
do you have to be?
Even more STUPID is the IDIOT who actually picks.
I hope You realise that the fact that You were indirectly asked to choose between me and him makes You realise that who actually had the better intentions for You, what kind of a DICK HEAD asks You to choose between friends?
You live with Your decision, I hope You think it is the right one, the one which will keep You happy for your entire life. I hope you NEVER regret it... Once you begin to regret You will realise You have NEITHER.
Well, the fact that You heeded this question and answered PROVES how You are so UNDESERVING of my friendship... I can honestly, sincerely say I would of done almost anything had You just asked with no thought of repayment or bargaining...
Well You made your choice live with it. I have made my choice, I'll live with it.
Have it Your way then, be that way, I can honestly say I tried, I tried to understand and pretend; that didn't work. I tried being harsh so I could be totally honest; that didn't work either. What else can I do or say?
Nothing... All I can do is wait and pray...
So be it.
You have Your own life You live it however You want, I have no control over it.
You will never know what it's like, I hope that it stays that way for Your own sake.
I do find it slightly distressing how You make it out to be my fault, all I can say to that is why the balls don't You try seeing it from my point of view, You stupid ignorant piece of turd; I can no longer contain my bitter resentment. A turd that doesn't deserve even a PORTION of the effort I have and would pour in to You.
I don't need another hindrance to continue to drag and hold me down....................
Especially a pathetic one that can so easily throw people away...
Thanks for making me feel so much worse than I ever should.
Thanks for using me so that You can feel good.
Thanks for wasting all my effort.
Thanks for destroying all my self esteem, trampling all over it.
Thanks for showing me how some people on this earth are...
I would Love to say that this had made me a stronger person; that this has helped me to build my character, that this has refined me as a person...
But no, this has weakened me substantially, to a point where I am unable to trust wholeheartedly in anything, yes I blame You.
I bid You farewell and Adieu...
All acknowledgement of Your existence shall be kept strictly in prayer only...
As I'm "not allowed" to speak to You. It was Your decision, You made it, You keep it.
Actions have consequences, I have a limit, I can only take a certain amount of hits before I give up... I would Love to say that I can keep getting up continuously without any lasting damage... But that just isn't true.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Isaiah 40:8
8 The grass withers and the flowers fade,
but the word of our God stands forever.”
Monday, 3 May 2010
~# Pathetic #
Wow... I thought I would leave this a few days to see if my anger and rage would settle down from this...
Well I guess it didn't...
So here goes...
Well how pathetic...
Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic...
pa·thet·ic [puh-thet-ik]
–adjective
1.
causing or evoking pity, sympathetic sadness, sorrow, etc.; pitiful; pitiable: a pathetic letter; a pathetic sight.
A word I rarely throw around, when used it is only in seriousness.
Yes You are Pathetic...
I have made myself clear on numerous occasions...
So unbelievably freaking clear...
I have "given up" something so important for You, You already have it, I gave it so You could have it You stupid immature insecure retard... So why must You piss all over it to mark Your territory? Imbecile.
So hows about growing a pair of bollocks and manning up? You freaking coward.
And now on to You... You are NOT better in ANY WAY, if anything You are WORSE far worse... Are You going to come running and make up another pathetic empty invalid reason to excuse such a pathetic display of idiocy...?
You will protect and make up any crap excuse You can find to make it appear as if it is my fault, or at the very least not Your/His fault.
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
Seriously if I am able to be "brushed off" so easily then our friendship means nothing, seriously what a load of bollocks.
One day; which I earnestly pray will NEVER happen to You. You may lose it all... When that happens... You can ask and wonder where and why it all went wrong... Then maybe Your eyes MAY be opened...
"Your Precious" where did it go...
Where will You go?
Who will You turn to?
Why are people not listening?
How come they are not keeping their promises?
What they said isn't true? They would always be there but now they are not?
Once everything of Yours has been taken and used... When You will be nothing worthwhile, When You are "boring"... You will realise that there are very few people who will make and keep a promise, and even fewer people who will sincerely give all they have for You, sacrificing for Your benefit. Those people are the ones You want to hang on to REGARDLESS of whatever.
But fine, be blind. Hold on to something that can be broken so easily.
I'm SURE You will be told that "I'm not worth it if this is all it takes to set me off..." Of course You will be told this! You are not supposed to have any contact that could "disrupt" You and "Your precious"...
You make the pathetic lies and excuses, yet when it is someone else it is not right? Wow really pathetic, You make up the lies to protect something so pathetic, yet when I asked about something similar You brought up a lot of "possibly" valid reasons, however since now it is "Your precious" asking You don't have to question it, You just have to instantly assume its "best"...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
But fine, fine, throw me away, I obviously don't mean a thing.
He tells You to jump,
You reply How high...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
I am generally tolerable, I will be annoyed for a short period of time and cool off and come to my senses realising what I have done, I will even go to the lengths of pretending like You even apologised for things You SHOULD have. I won't even bring up the situation even if it benefit me or if I can use it against You...
But some things for me are just too hard to "just accept, erase and pretend" never happened.
And You expect me to forgive You for this?
If my friendship meant THAT LITTLE to You then screw You, You just don't deserve it.
Numerous times I have continued to accept and admit that I was wrong when personally I don't think I am, I pushed ALL my pride aside for our friendship...
friend·ship [frend-ship]
–noun
1.
the state of being a friend; association as friends: to value a person's friendship
But that doesn't ANYTHING to You, does it?
Our friendship has NO VALUE does it?
Or oh wait... You are going to say what? it doesn't have the same value? Obviously not... You literally MADE YOUR DECISION by telling me the EMPTY FAKE problem...
How many other people will You stupidly throw away?
It may just be me this time...
You probably don't even care,
You have many more "friends"...
You still have "Your Precious"
As soon as "Your Precious" was even slightly upset You just threw me aside, no second thought as to how it may affect me. All You thought about was "Your Precious" and Yourself... Thanks a bunch. It's always oh so great to be tossed aside, to be shown You have,
No Meaning...
No Purpose...
No Significance...
No Nothing...
Now You have the CHEEK to say to me
WHEN YOU FORGIVE ME talk to me, You will be waiting...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
What an impeccable display of ignorance, idiocy, and just plain stupidity.
I know I am called to forgive all and not hold grudges... With God I pray for forgiveness...
But that doesn't mean I will be actively seeking to repair our "friendship"
I believe that You wouldn't even be able to think of one significant reason why I should.
You don't even care enough, which was blatantly show by Your actions... How You overlooked my thoughts, my possible feeling regarding this matter, yes You clearly value something like "that" so much more above something so lowly as my friendship...
I hear excuses after excuse that You make for "Your Precious" it sickens and disgusts me...
You who have changed in such a negative way...
But what? Oh right... Another invalid excuse? to make Yourselves think that its right?
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
I can honestly say that this is partially for Your benefit,
I actually pray wholeheartedly that I actually mean something to You...
It pains me so much to have to separate myself so suddenly, it's not so easy for myself either...
But I hope that this will open Your eyes... Even if a small amount...
Just SEE SOMETHING...
John 13:34-35
34 So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. 35 Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.
1 Peter 3:8
All Christians
8 Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters.Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.
Maybe my approach is not perfect... Maybe I'm not so humble and tenderhearted... But I'm trying...
1 Corinthians 10:31
31 So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
Ultimately where does love come from? Where is the root of love? If you truly want to know how to have a harmony filled, long lasting successful relationship then wouldn’t you want to find the origin of relationships, the real author of love? If so, then what’s stopping you? Often times people wander around looking for love in all the wrong places and they end up getting hurt and used by others. If your true desire is to build a relationship with a foundation that will stand in love, seek out the creator. Start by beginning or reconciling your relationship with the Heavenly Father, for that is where everything began. How can anyone expect to have a healthy loving relationship with others unless they first have one with the originator? The initial answer is much closer than many might think, it’s so easy, just look up! He is waiting for you with open arms.
Just know that Gods love is unfailing, He will never leave your or forsake you, you can depend on God to meet all your needs. Is there anybody you can personally mention, in all honesty, that has been that way in your life? I don’t think you will find any human capable of perfect love, but maybe that is what everyone is continuing to search for? God is the one that spoke you into existence just to have a meaningful love relationship with you. Does this mean that reaching out to him that all your problems will magically go away, no. It takes time to resolve issues that took time to arise in conflict, but the reference remains with God.
A relationship is sustained by both parties Love for God being greater than their Love for each other...
Also... A person will NEVER change for You. Only God can change a person. What makes You think that You can prevent someone from hurting You again and again for the same things? You can't. Only God can. Now I'm not saying I'm perfect nor am I saying that I never hurt You but I do believe that I have been pushed to finally being forced to tough Love, since even before the start of this blog; back in October 2009 I have felt as though nothing will get through to You... So I hope that this will actually open Your eyes...
If not then I guess You will hate me for a long time if not forever.
But in all honesty... I think You still have something essential that You need to learn, and I'm not going to feed it to You on a plate.
I wholeheartedly pray that this harsh message will get through to You...
If not then, I guess it really proves how meaningless I am to You.
Anger and finger pointing is expected... I assume that You will even ask what right do I have to say this?
Maybe socially that is true... Hmm... But since when do I give a buggery balls what everyone else thinks.
Well fine this is my ultimatum.
I am not going to continue to bend over backwards for Your sake only.
I also have a limit, a breaking point... You aren't the only one with problems.
So read this thoroughly and properly, if You get angry I pray that the things I say get through to You, if not then what can I say, I guess I will have pushed You too far beyond reparation. I can not say I don't care because that would be a lie. I care, believe I care, if anything I care too much and if You cant understand why I say the things I say well I don't know what else I can do.
My promise is always there... But I can't stand by letting You blindly being "controlled and moulded"... You may not see it and it may not seem right... but that is my "defence" for my harshness and brutal "honesty".
Well I guess it didn't...
So here goes...
Well how pathetic...
Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic...
pa·thet·ic [puh-thet-ik]
–adjective
1.
causing or evoking pity, sympathetic sadness, sorrow, etc.; pitiful; pitiable: a pathetic letter; a pathetic sight.
A word I rarely throw around, when used it is only in seriousness.
Yes You are Pathetic...
I have made myself clear on numerous occasions...
So unbelievably freaking clear...
I have "given up" something so important for You, You already have it, I gave it so You could have it You stupid immature insecure retard... So why must You piss all over it to mark Your territory? Imbecile.
So hows about growing a pair of bollocks and manning up? You freaking coward.
And now on to You... You are NOT better in ANY WAY, if anything You are WORSE far worse... Are You going to come running and make up another pathetic empty invalid reason to excuse such a pathetic display of idiocy...?
You will protect and make up any crap excuse You can find to make it appear as if it is my fault, or at the very least not Your/His fault.
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
Seriously if I am able to be "brushed off" so easily then our friendship means nothing, seriously what a load of bollocks.
One day; which I earnestly pray will NEVER happen to You. You may lose it all... When that happens... You can ask and wonder where and why it all went wrong... Then maybe Your eyes MAY be opened...
"Your Precious" where did it go...
Where will You go?
Who will You turn to?
Why are people not listening?
How come they are not keeping their promises?
What they said isn't true? They would always be there but now they are not?
Once everything of Yours has been taken and used... When You will be nothing worthwhile, When You are "boring"... You will realise that there are very few people who will make and keep a promise, and even fewer people who will sincerely give all they have for You, sacrificing for Your benefit. Those people are the ones You want to hang on to REGARDLESS of whatever.
But fine, be blind. Hold on to something that can be broken so easily.
I'm SURE You will be told that "I'm not worth it if this is all it takes to set me off..." Of course You will be told this! You are not supposed to have any contact that could "disrupt" You and "Your precious"...
You make the pathetic lies and excuses, yet when it is someone else it is not right? Wow really pathetic, You make up the lies to protect something so pathetic, yet when I asked about something similar You brought up a lot of "possibly" valid reasons, however since now it is "Your precious" asking You don't have to question it, You just have to instantly assume its "best"...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
But fine, fine, throw me away, I obviously don't mean a thing.
He tells You to jump,
You reply How high...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
I am generally tolerable, I will be annoyed for a short period of time and cool off and come to my senses realising what I have done, I will even go to the lengths of pretending like You even apologised for things You SHOULD have. I won't even bring up the situation even if it benefit me or if I can use it against You...
But some things for me are just too hard to "just accept, erase and pretend" never happened.
And You expect me to forgive You for this?
If my friendship meant THAT LITTLE to You then screw You, You just don't deserve it.
Numerous times I have continued to accept and admit that I was wrong when personally I don't think I am, I pushed ALL my pride aside for our friendship...
friend·ship [frend-ship]
–noun
1.
the state of being a friend; association as friends: to value a person's friendship
But that doesn't ANYTHING to You, does it?
Our friendship has NO VALUE does it?
Or oh wait... You are going to say what? it doesn't have the same value? Obviously not... You literally MADE YOUR DECISION by telling me the EMPTY FAKE problem...
How many other people will You stupidly throw away?
It may just be me this time...
You probably don't even care,
You have many more "friends"...
You still have "Your Precious"
As soon as "Your Precious" was even slightly upset You just threw me aside, no second thought as to how it may affect me. All You thought about was "Your Precious" and Yourself... Thanks a bunch. It's always oh so great to be tossed aside, to be shown You have,
No Meaning...
No Purpose...
No Significance...
No Nothing...
Now You have the CHEEK to say to me
WHEN YOU FORGIVE ME talk to me, You will be waiting...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
What an impeccable display of ignorance, idiocy, and just plain stupidity.
I know I am called to forgive all and not hold grudges... With God I pray for forgiveness...
But that doesn't mean I will be actively seeking to repair our "friendship"
I believe that You wouldn't even be able to think of one significant reason why I should.
You don't even care enough, which was blatantly show by Your actions... How You overlooked my thoughts, my possible feeling regarding this matter, yes You clearly value something like "that" so much more above something so lowly as my friendship...
I hear excuses after excuse that You make for "Your Precious" it sickens and disgusts me...
You who have changed in such a negative way...
But what? Oh right... Another invalid excuse? to make Yourselves think that its right?
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
I can honestly say that this is partially for Your benefit,
I actually pray wholeheartedly that I actually mean something to You...
It pains me so much to have to separate myself so suddenly, it's not so easy for myself either...
But I hope that this will open Your eyes... Even if a small amount...
Just SEE SOMETHING...
John 13:34-35
34 So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. 35 Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.
1 Peter 3:8
All Christians
8 Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters.Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.
Maybe my approach is not perfect... Maybe I'm not so humble and tenderhearted... But I'm trying...
1 Corinthians 10:31
31 So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
Ultimately where does love come from? Where is the root of love? If you truly want to know how to have a harmony filled, long lasting successful relationship then wouldn’t you want to find the origin of relationships, the real author of love? If so, then what’s stopping you? Often times people wander around looking for love in all the wrong places and they end up getting hurt and used by others. If your true desire is to build a relationship with a foundation that will stand in love, seek out the creator. Start by beginning or reconciling your relationship with the Heavenly Father, for that is where everything began. How can anyone expect to have a healthy loving relationship with others unless they first have one with the originator? The initial answer is much closer than many might think, it’s so easy, just look up! He is waiting for you with open arms.
Just know that Gods love is unfailing, He will never leave your or forsake you, you can depend on God to meet all your needs. Is there anybody you can personally mention, in all honesty, that has been that way in your life? I don’t think you will find any human capable of perfect love, but maybe that is what everyone is continuing to search for? God is the one that spoke you into existence just to have a meaningful love relationship with you. Does this mean that reaching out to him that all your problems will magically go away, no. It takes time to resolve issues that took time to arise in conflict, but the reference remains with God.
A relationship is sustained by both parties Love for God being greater than their Love for each other...
Also... A person will NEVER change for You. Only God can change a person. What makes You think that You can prevent someone from hurting You again and again for the same things? You can't. Only God can. Now I'm not saying I'm perfect nor am I saying that I never hurt You but I do believe that I have been pushed to finally being forced to tough Love, since even before the start of this blog; back in October 2009 I have felt as though nothing will get through to You... So I hope that this will actually open Your eyes...
If not then I guess You will hate me for a long time if not forever.
But in all honesty... I think You still have something essential that You need to learn, and I'm not going to feed it to You on a plate.
I wholeheartedly pray that this harsh message will get through to You...
If not then, I guess it really proves how meaningless I am to You.
Anger and finger pointing is expected... I assume that You will even ask what right do I have to say this?
Maybe socially that is true... Hmm... But since when do I give a buggery balls what everyone else thinks.
Well fine this is my ultimatum.
I am not going to continue to bend over backwards for Your sake only.
I also have a limit, a breaking point... You aren't the only one with problems.
So read this thoroughly and properly, if You get angry I pray that the things I say get through to You, if not then what can I say, I guess I will have pushed You too far beyond reparation. I can not say I don't care because that would be a lie. I care, believe I care, if anything I care too much and if You cant understand why I say the things I say well I don't know what else I can do.
My promise is always there... But I can't stand by letting You blindly being "controlled and moulded"... You may not see it and it may not seem right... but that is my "defence" for my harshness and brutal "honesty".
I don't even know if You will ever know how much my heart aches and yearns for You...
I constantly feel as though I put far much more thought in to this than You, far much more thought in to this that I should. But shouldn't that actually mean that I actually value and care so much that it is on my mind so much? Well I hope You think that...
"I always want You in my life, not be apart, our unique bond; I mean it and I intend to keep it..."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Isaiah 40:8
8 The grass withers and the flowers fade,
but the word of our God stands forever.”
Promise <3
"I always want You in my life, not be apart, our unique bond; I mean it and I intend to keep it..."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Isaiah 40:8
8 The grass withers and the flowers fade,
but the word of our God stands forever.”
Saturday, 1 May 2010
~# Aj Rafael - When We Say (Juicebox) #
Aj Rafael - When We Say (Juicebox)
Somethin bout the way
Somethin bout the way you look
In my eyes
You make everything so damn easy
So easy that I don't got to worry bout a thing
And baby when we touch
All I can see is the image of us
Sitting by the ocean
Just before the dusk
Sippin on a juice box and
Sand between our toes
This is the part when we say were in love
And the part where we have our first kiss
But this ain't a movie
I know you can't come with me
You got your life
He better be treatin you right
Just tell me you don't love me
Tell me you don't feel the same way that I do
Tell me I don't make you smile
Like I do when you walk in the room
You're so hard to let go
This is the part when we say were in love
And the part where we say it's forever
But this ain't a fantasy
I know you can't come with me
You got your life
He better be treatin you right
This hurts so much to know that you're
With someone else when you should be with me
It's just hard to accept that I can't be around
He better be treatin you good
I'm no Einstein but I know a sign
When I see one
And I know you love me too
I know you love me too
This is the part when we say were in love
And the part where we have our first kiss
But this ain't a movie
I know you can't come with me
You got your life
He better be treatin you good
So good
You got your life
He better be treatin you right
Somethin bout the way
Somethin bout the way you look
In my eyes
You make everything so damn easy
So easy that I don't got to worry bout a thing
And baby when we touch
All I can see is the image of us
Sitting by the ocean
Just before the dusk
Sippin on a juice box and
Sand between our toes
This is the part when we say were in love
And the part where we have our first kiss
But this ain't a movie
I know you can't come with me
You got your life
He better be treatin you right
Just tell me you don't love me
Tell me you don't feel the same way that I do
Tell me I don't make you smile
Like I do when you walk in the room
You're so hard to let go
This is the part when we say were in love
And the part where we say it's forever
But this ain't a fantasy
I know you can't come with me
You got your life
He better be treatin you right
This hurts so much to know that you're
With someone else when you should be with me
It's just hard to accept that I can't be around
He better be treatin you good
I'm no Einstein but I know a sign
When I see one
And I know you love me too
I know you love me too
This is the part when we say were in love
And the part where we have our first kiss
But this ain't a movie
I know you can't come with me
You got your life
He better be treatin you good
So good
You got your life
He better be treatin you right
Sunday, 28 March 2010
~# Enough? #
Is it really worth it?
From my perspective...
Is it really worth it continue down this bullsh*t lane?
You who make every single effort to abuse, crush and destroy all of my efforts.
Is NOTHING I do okay?
Everything I do is met with hostility or... "You just don't like it"
If this is just some totally retarded way of showing You care...
*clap clap* for being the most retarded person on earth, the most SELFISH person.
You just do not and may possibly NEVER realise the amount of crap I have,do and would for You. yet You continue to treat me as if I'm dogsh*t that You have stepped on.
Great job, You really know how to make someone feel lower than dirt.
Every opportunity is taken advantage of to "attack" me... Thanks I really appreciate it!
Although pride is not an issues... It does not mean I am willing have this bullsh*t rubbed all in my face.
Why don't You try stop being a dickhead?
Did You EVER stop to think "hmmm... I wonder what this is like for the other person...?
Well if so why am I lower than dogturd?
Your words and actions do not fit... These words full of false hope, full of crap...
You say "ABC" but then Your actions do not match "ABC" in fact its not even close...
You purposely go out of Your way to trample all over my heart, wow thanks I'm so glad this gives You so much entertainment.
Why am I so unable to follow my own advice? All the advice ad knowledge that I tell other people, yet I myself am unable to take on board my own advice. how pathetic.
Even more pathetic is the fact You are willing to toy with another person, to toy with feelings and emotions, am I only hearing things I want to hear so that You can get things You want to get? 'cos it sure as hell feels that way.
I don't understand, do You INTENTIONALLY but others before me just to take the piss?
I must be the last to be first?
I've spent too much time being last...
IS IT WORTH IT?
I hope that the reason You continue to do what You do IS WORTH the cost that I am paying...
I bite my lip and continue to "pay" just so that You may benefit from all this life has to offer You...
But there I can only bite down for so long... Until I begin to bleed... Then I must "take time" to recover... As usual... Before being able to go through the entire process again...
So I guess, I'll continue "paying"... It's all I can do...
Just shout whenever and I'll be there...
From my perspective...
Is it really worth it continue down this bullsh*t lane?
You who make every single effort to abuse, crush and destroy all of my efforts.
Is NOTHING I do okay?
Everything I do is met with hostility or... "You just don't like it"
If this is just some totally retarded way of showing You care...
*clap clap* for being the most retarded person on earth, the most SELFISH person.
You just do not and may possibly NEVER realise the amount of crap I have,do and would for You. yet You continue to treat me as if I'm dogsh*t that You have stepped on.
Great job, You really know how to make someone feel lower than dirt.
Every opportunity is taken advantage of to "attack" me... Thanks I really appreciate it!
Although pride is not an issues... It does not mean I am willing have this bullsh*t rubbed all in my face.
Why don't You try stop being a dickhead?
Did You EVER stop to think "hmmm... I wonder what this is like for the other person...?
Well if so why am I lower than dogturd?
Your words and actions do not fit... These words full of false hope, full of crap...
You say "ABC" but then Your actions do not match "ABC" in fact its not even close...
You purposely go out of Your way to trample all over my heart, wow thanks I'm so glad this gives You so much entertainment.
Why am I so unable to follow my own advice? All the advice ad knowledge that I tell other people, yet I myself am unable to take on board my own advice. how pathetic.
Even more pathetic is the fact You are willing to toy with another person, to toy with feelings and emotions, am I only hearing things I want to hear so that You can get things You want to get? 'cos it sure as hell feels that way.
I don't understand, do You INTENTIONALLY but others before me just to take the piss?
I must be the last to be first?
I've spent too much time being last...
IS IT WORTH IT?
I hope that the reason You continue to do what You do IS WORTH the cost that I am paying...
I bite my lip and continue to "pay" just so that You may benefit from all this life has to offer You...
But there I can only bite down for so long... Until I begin to bleed... Then I must "take time" to recover... As usual... Before being able to go through the entire process again...
So I guess, I'll continue "paying"... It's all I can do...
Just shout whenever and I'll be there...
Sunday, 14 March 2010
~# Suffering From Burnout and Broken-ness #
Why can I not be a self-serving, self seeking selfish person and want what is best for me sometimes?
Isaiah 40:8
8 The grass withers and the flowers fade,
but the word of our God stands forever.”
Why must it be carved in to my heart and my mind that I should always come last?
Why can't I just be selfish? and just take what I want and what I need to get by?
Why must I constantly be feeling that I have to give and give to be of any use?
Why do I feel like I just "fill gaps" with my minority and insignificance?
Why can't I be a big piece? A useful stand alone piece?
Why am I just another piece that can be easily replaced...
Why am I not unique or useful enough to mean anything to anyone, to anything?
Why must the only thing I can produce is tears?
Why can I only bring pain, misery and unhappiness to all those around me?
Why must I feel like I have to be acknowledged?
I feel the only thing I can do is give my time to people.
Time... something which most people can acquire. Albeit not always immediately, but nonetheless something that can be acquired through effort, so how do that makes me any more useful than the next person? I have nothing extra, nothing new to offer whereas they will probably have many things.
If I give, is it selfish to want something in return? even if it is just an acknowledgement? Even if its just a thanks?
But no, I don't ask for these things, I have greatly overlooked how much these simple little things mean.
These simple things which can easily "re-fill" a person.
Am I being selfish for not realising just how blessed I already am? That I keep yearning for more and more? Is it not human nature to simply want something that I have had stripped away from me?
Or at least something to fill the void that was left...
Well I am still currently searching, searching which is just frustrating when the results are so disappointing... Should I really expect NOTHING then be surprised when I do receive something no matter how insignificant it may seem? Mentally I'm not able to accept or even begin to apply such a philosophy. I am human, I am fallible, I want and want what I think I need.
But this constant need of my wants and desires will begin to blind me from the simple treasures of life. These simple treasures which had been simply helping me a long in life.
If this were true then why must it be so hard right now? right now when I have hit my wall. This wall which seems so large, impassible, insurmountable... When, if, how will can I conceivably begin to fathom the possibility of overcoming such great obstacles.
...Hope?
Why hope?
Why no when it has always failed to dramatically make a change in my life?
Is that not the answer within itself?
Why must I expect it to be an instant dramatic change?
I have spent far too long hoping to back down, but that doesn't mean I don't have the occasional "emo period".
I have wasted far too much time chasing my own desires...
I have also wasted even more time chasing what I thought were not my own desires...
So does this not imply that I must throw myself in to the "Truth" and develop a relationship with Him so that I am able to distinguish what is my own desire and what ar His desires for me to prosper.
...I feel so drained from constantly throwing myself, I am so tired;physically, mentally and spiritually. There have been times when I have welcomed death; a death that would just so easily allow me to be with Him, where I can be "happy". Why must I endure this time of crap down here when I have a home up there waiting for me?
But after being afraid of whether my "citizenship" is secure or not... I realised... Would I not also
want ALL of my LOVED ones to be there with me?
I may sound immensely selfish when I say this but...
"My Loved Ones"... I honestly get the feeling that sometimes some of them really just don't care, or they just seem to be far more self absorbed, or maybe I just don't realise, or maybe I'm too needy and clingy and seem to want more than I should.
Well here goes; I feel like I give more than I receive... and the feeling of being burnt out is a feeling that I am too well acquainted with. I feel like the amount given is largely greater greater than the amount received, so there are numerous times when I feel like I am running on empty.
In my head I know that my re-fill should be purely from God, but I find it so hard to re-fill without a physical human existence holding my hand all the way through.
Even if I do have this, I am almost certainly overlooking this...
Just struggling to even make it through takes its toll on my mind and body.
Being unable to sleep just doesn't help... Being unable to sleep for more than 1 hour without waking up, and when i "rest" it is purely restless, tossing and turning; its impossible to lay still and rest and preserve energy, my body just can't stay still. I am constantly drained of energy.
On the extremely difficult nights when I cry myself to that much wanted 1 hours sleep I end up waking up in a pool that then prevents me from sleeping for another good 2-3 hours. The pain in my back, the pain in my chest, the difficulty breathing, the pain in my legs... Where did these sudden pains appear from?
Many hindrances to my rest, and daily life. I feel more like I am 80 rather 21, so many physical pains in my body, and so much mental anguish... should someone who is 21 have been through this already? I am unable to even bring up any child hood memory... I do not understand why, photos, verbal recounts; they don't even begin to even partially recall a memory in my mind... Generally my memory is quite good... so what makes me push all this down? The one single memory, if You can call it a memory of my childhood is that I had been to more Nurseries than I have schools my entire life. Coming to Manchester I didn't even know that when i started school it was year 1... It felt like I was at least in year with the amount of time I had already spent in my life...
So... ultimately I am a selfish human being wanting more human contact.... When in fact in my head I know that I can always be full on God... Yet I still yearn for that human bond... Why? That bond between two humans that brings me to tears with envy and jealousy...
Am I such a wretch?
Am I such an outcast?
Am I that useless?
Am I that disappointing?
Am I that disgusting?
Am I that vile?
Am I so inhumane?
Am I that dirty?
Am I that ugly?
Am I that horrible?
Am I just not good enough for anything?
For anyone?
I am not talking about a relationship like boyfriend girlfriend, no this is not something on my mind for a long long time... But why am I unable to even have a close bond with a single person as a close friend?
Sure people can claim that they are, but when the time comes they offer, but they dont even listen, they don't even realise. They just don't seem to care, what they say is a human reaction, with no intention of actually being true to their words, or they decide to put their own things ahead... How painful and depressing it is to be given false hope and be lied to, maybe it is my own fault for putting so much pressure on one person to comfort me, maybe I am too much of a handful... I guess in human terms I'll never know what first and second place ever feel like...
Do You all know how much it pains me to hear these sympathetic words
"You are a nice guy... not many people are like You"
Do You realise how pathetic that makes You feel?
"You are a nice guy... You are different..."
Yet You are still special to nobody? Yet nobody needs You, there is no requirement for people
"who aren't like You"
but apparently people are happy with what there is lots of...
I used to be ambitious enough to believe that
"Looks attract the eye...
Personality attracts the heart...
Chivalry keeps the heart..."
Pathetic. The one thing I had to offer of those 3 was possibly the latter... but what is the point in having the ability to keep a heart when I don't even have the means to attaining one?
"I may not mean a lot to the world...
But I may mean the world to one person..."
Well the first obviously isn't true for me... Also I don't even fit the latter... Just how insignificant and depressing do You think it is to be filled with this false humanly hope.
Struggling to even be significant to one person... Whereas I am just a "passer-by" in peoples lives, I am insignificant and immemorable a floater, someone who will be rarely be remembered or missed when I am gone.
My "life" plan used to be to have a family... Well balls to that, I have been so broken that I don't have the same fire in my heart to chase this dream as I did 2-3 years ago. My dreams and Hopes have been battered, bruised and broken. It's not that I don't still think about it, I just don't think that it will ever be something that will happen in my life now. To be a Dad... Whilst kids in primary school aspired to be superheroes, firemen and policemen I was always told I was mature for my age in primary school, I always wanted to be something I never had, that was what I had been longing to be for so long, this dream has long been shaken, in reality if I can't even maintain a close friendship what use is it hoping to be a Father to a Kid that I will never have? These thoughts are just haunting me, it is so unbelievably painful to go through life without a single purpose.
Am I really destined to spend the rest of my days floating? Being barely useful to anyone? Spending my days alone...?
It is insanely hard to just go on sometimes...
Despite God always being there, There are still numerous times when I desperately crave just a human hand, shoulder or a voice to just tell me that it's okay... But when it's not there it just gets even harder...
I do still believe God has a plan for me, I do not know what, nor do I expect it to coincide with my desires. But this is the same bit of hope that I have been grasping on to with both all I have for so long, I'm not about to let go... Despite the times when I feel down and spend time re-filling on His word, I will continue to soldier on though life Loving all those around me, my life on this earth is not about my own happiness, its about preparing and letting others know about Jesus, so that they may share what I have up there with Him. I end this blog after a night of intense emotional vulnerability... Freaking snot and tear covered towel... T_T
God Loves You
I Love You <3>
1 Peter 1:22 (New Living Translation)
22 You were cleansed from Your sins when You obeyed the truth, so now You must show sincere love to each other as brothers and sisters. Love each other deeply with all Your heart.
1 Peter 5:7 (New Living Translation)
7 Give all Your worries and cares to God, for he cares about You.
<3>Tiff ^^
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Isaiah 40:8
8 The grass withers and the flowers fade,
but the word of our God stands forever.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, 9 March 2010
~#Youtube~
A new youtube singer that im "stalking" apparently, surprisingly NOT female xD
Jason Chen / Miniachilles
I should get paid for advertising so much... lol
Zhuo Wen Xuan & Gary - Liang Bo Yu Zhu Li Ye (Chinese Romeo and Juliet)
Jay Sean - Down
Jay Sean - Do You Remember
Justin Bieber - Baby cover
Taeyang - Wedding Dress Eng Cover
Saturday, 6 March 2010
~# Officially Missing You #
Tamia - Officially Missing You
All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why’d you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It wont go away
And today I’m officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain’t no way
And today
I’m officially missing you
[Chorus]
Oh can’t nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I’m officially
[Verse Two]
All I do is lay around
Two ears full of tears
From looking at your face on the wall
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don’t even know you at all
I don’t know you at all
Well I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess it’s safe to say baby safe to say
That I’m officially missing you
[Chorus]
[Bridge]
Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that’s something I just can’t do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can’t find a way
To let go of you
[Chorus]
It official
You know that I’m missing you
Yeah yes
All I hear is raindrops
And I’m officially missing you
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why’d you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It wont go away
And today I’m officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain’t no way
And today
I’m officially missing you
[Chorus]
Oh can’t nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I’m officially
[Verse Two]
All I do is lay around
Two ears full of tears
From looking at your face on the wall
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don’t even know you at all
I don’t know you at all
Well I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess it’s safe to say baby safe to say
That I’m officially missing you
[Chorus]
[Bridge]
Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that’s something I just can’t do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can’t find a way
To let go of you
[Chorus]
It official
You know that I’m missing you
Yeah yes
All I hear is raindrops
And I’m officially missing you
Thursday, 25 February 2010
~#Life Ain't Fair#
Just wondering what it is that I did do receive what I am, and yet what did other people do to deserve what they get?
Life just doesn't seem fair.
Sure, I have the "knowledge" that God's plan is greater than all, regardless of whether we see, or agree with it, I am just now simply waiting for the evidence that this is true. I always thought I was strong enough to overcome almost anything that was thrown at me if I just trusted in His plan, even if I must suffer the outcome will be much greater...
Then why at this crucial point in my life does it seem that absolutely everything serves no purpose, everything right now is a time of preparing me for the road ahead... Why then is He toying with me? Why does He through the actions of humans make me feel so insignificant? So pointless, useless so pathetic? Why is it that I feel like I have been pushed so far that there appears to be no point of return, a line that has been crossed where nothing seems like nothing can be salvaged, a point where no matter what lies ahead that it will NEVER be enough to compensate for these FEW years... And I'm not saying that this "time" is over, these "few years" may continue to "grow" until hell knows how long. That will just continue to push me to thinking "is it worth it?"
Is my life so insignificant to everybody around me?
Is there even a purpose in my life?
Why must I constantly be replaced by someone so easily?
It is unbelievably soul destroying to know that I can be replaced so easily.
So, people say that it's not true, You are special BLAH DE BLAH. Well honestly Your words means nothing to me. They are nothing more than mere empty lies used to cover Your true feelings. Your actions clearly show Your true thoughts. What a surprise... Your actions and words contradict each other...
The thought plagues my mind, mentally torturing me, draining all of my energy, reducing me to act like an emotionless zombie just drifting through the days, barely making it though the day with a purpose. Each forced laugh, each fake smile creates a war in my mind and soul, it drains me of my energy.
So well not that it is my place to say or judge...
But why do some people get things they don't deserve?
Whereas some people don't get what they do deserve?
Sure Grace and Mercy to an extent is for all... But this appears restricted to only certain areas and aspects.
Sure maybe I'm wrong... Maybe my mind has become so warped, corrupted and biased that maybe I am unable to see the obvious...
Ultimately I am waiting on that "greater plan" will it really be worth it in the end?
I know how "easy" it is test and question God in our times of need and frustration...
But also why does it sometimes seem so hard to remember God in both our suffering and joy?
I'm not explicitly saying I hate God or anything like that. I'm just too frustrated and confused at the moment by His plan, I know I don't understand at the moment... But I don't know I'm just finding it all too difficult to do this alone.
I guess I am stupid for saying "alone" but what I mean is more that I am not alone in MY own desires, I mean I didn't give it up to achieve the opposite, I gave it up so that XYZ could have something better... I thought Sacrifice would be easy... I thought Sacrificing my own well-being for XYZ would be enough to keep me afloat and going... How wrong I was. I just want some confirmation or a sign to show that, something I have not received since embarking on this "test" but I am trying hard to trust... Which at the moment seems like a monstrosity of a task to achieve.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (New Living Translation)
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
6 Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Isaiah 40:8
8 The grass withers and the flowers fade,
but the word of our God stands forever.”
Life just doesn't seem fair.
Sure, I have the "knowledge" that God's plan is greater than all, regardless of whether we see, or agree with it, I am just now simply waiting for the evidence that this is true. I always thought I was strong enough to overcome almost anything that was thrown at me if I just trusted in His plan, even if I must suffer the outcome will be much greater...
Then why at this crucial point in my life does it seem that absolutely everything serves no purpose, everything right now is a time of preparing me for the road ahead... Why then is He toying with me? Why does He through the actions of humans make me feel so insignificant? So pointless, useless so pathetic? Why is it that I feel like I have been pushed so far that there appears to be no point of return, a line that has been crossed where nothing seems like nothing can be salvaged, a point where no matter what lies ahead that it will NEVER be enough to compensate for these FEW years... And I'm not saying that this "time" is over, these "few years" may continue to "grow" until hell knows how long. That will just continue to push me to thinking "is it worth it?"
Is my life so insignificant to everybody around me?
Is there even a purpose in my life?
Why must I constantly be replaced by someone so easily?
It is unbelievably soul destroying to know that I can be replaced so easily.
So, people say that it's not true, You are special BLAH DE BLAH. Well honestly Your words means nothing to me. They are nothing more than mere empty lies used to cover Your true feelings. Your actions clearly show Your true thoughts. What a surprise... Your actions and words contradict each other...
The thought plagues my mind, mentally torturing me, draining all of my energy, reducing me to act like an emotionless zombie just drifting through the days, barely making it though the day with a purpose. Each forced laugh, each fake smile creates a war in my mind and soul, it drains me of my energy.
So well not that it is my place to say or judge...
But why do some people get things they don't deserve?
Whereas some people don't get what they do deserve?
Sure Grace and Mercy to an extent is for all... But this appears restricted to only certain areas and aspects.
Sure maybe I'm wrong... Maybe my mind has become so warped, corrupted and biased that maybe I am unable to see the obvious...
Ultimately I am waiting on that "greater plan" will it really be worth it in the end?
I know how "easy" it is test and question God in our times of need and frustration...
But also why does it sometimes seem so hard to remember God in both our suffering and joy?
I'm not explicitly saying I hate God or anything like that. I'm just too frustrated and confused at the moment by His plan, I know I don't understand at the moment... But I don't know I'm just finding it all too difficult to do this alone.
I guess I am stupid for saying "alone" but what I mean is more that I am not alone in MY own desires, I mean I didn't give it up to achieve the opposite, I gave it up so that XYZ could have something better... I thought Sacrifice would be easy... I thought Sacrificing my own well-being for XYZ would be enough to keep me afloat and going... How wrong I was. I just want some confirmation or a sign to show that, something I have not received since embarking on this "test" but I am trying hard to trust... Which at the moment seems like a monstrosity of a task to achieve.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (New Living Translation)
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
6 Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Isaiah 40:8
8 The grass withers and the flowers fade,
but the word of our God stands forever.”
Wednesday, 24 February 2010
~#The Price#
So... Are You okay?
OF COURSE I'M NOT OK, now what are You gonna do?
Is that the answer You were expecting?
Of course not, so I'm gonna lie and say...
"I'm fine, I'm just a bit tired today"
So... Let's start from the beginning. Upon "returning" I acquired various materials objects with numerous uses. How did I pay for them?
Mastercard...
-Glasses to distort the distinct pain in my eyes...
£150
-Scarf to mask the words I truly want to say, to hide the fact I bite my lip every single time, to harbor my trembling and stuttering that I endure just to NOT say anything at all, in fear of making things worse.
£75
-A coat with large pockets to accomodate the intense rage that I can barely abstain, fists that want to lash out at the world and all that is within it.
£100
-iPOD to drown out all the crap I don't want t hear from the world. A way to just run away from it all.
£60
The ability to LIE, REPRESS and CONCEAL all emotions... PRICELESS.
Although this has a limited use, after a certain amount is used, almost irreparable affliction, corruption and damage to the mental side of the person will become apparent... Thus resulting in prolonged periods of time spent "repairing" and tending to the soul and brain...
Great...
But is it worth it? Well let's find out... So far its BARELY been bearable... But I'm only human so let's stick around long enough to see the final results... Will it be worth it in the end?
OF COURSE I'M NOT OK, now what are You gonna do?
Is that the answer You were expecting?
Of course not, so I'm gonna lie and say...
"I'm fine, I'm just a bit tired today"
So... Let's start from the beginning. Upon "returning" I acquired various materials objects with numerous uses. How did I pay for them?
Mastercard...
-Glasses to distort the distinct pain in my eyes...
£150
-Scarf to mask the words I truly want to say, to hide the fact I bite my lip every single time, to harbor my trembling and stuttering that I endure just to NOT say anything at all, in fear of making things worse.
£75
-A coat with large pockets to accomodate the intense rage that I can barely abstain, fists that want to lash out at the world and all that is within it.
£100
-iPOD to drown out all the crap I don't want t hear from the world. A way to just run away from it all.
£60
The ability to LIE, REPRESS and CONCEAL all emotions... PRICELESS.
Although this has a limited use, after a certain amount is used, almost irreparable affliction, corruption and damage to the mental side of the person will become apparent... Thus resulting in prolonged periods of time spent "repairing" and tending to the soul and brain...
Great...
But is it worth it? Well let's find out... So far its BARELY been bearable... But I'm only human so let's stick around long enough to see the final results... Will it be worth it in the end?
Tuesday, 23 February 2010
Monday, 22 February 2010
~#Finding Happiness#
A college friend of mine who I had not been in contact with in a long time recently replied to me with this post.
http://mormon.org/mormonorg/eng/videos/finding-happiness
I don't think the embedded video works.
Those kids brought a rare smile to my face =)
http://mormon.org/mormonorg/eng/videos/finding-happiness
I don't think the embedded video works.
Those kids brought a rare smile to my face =)
~#Just A Nice Guy#
Wong Fu <3
Part One - The Problem
Just A Nice Guy; I'm not saying I'm a nice guy ><"
I mean am I even a nice guy...?
Part Two - The Lesson
Part Three - The Risk
Sunday, 21 February 2010
~#Taylor Swift - Change#
And it's a sad picture, the final blow hits you
Somebody else gets what you wanted again
You know it's all the same, another time and place
Repeating history and you're getting sick of it
But I believe in whatever you do
And I'll do anything to see it through
Because these things will change, can you feel it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down
It's a revolution, the time will come for us to finally win
We'll sing hallelujah!
We'll sing hallelujah! Oh
So we've been outnumbered, raided and now cornered
It's hard to fight when the fight ain't fair
We're getting stronger now from things they never found
They might be bigger but we're faster and never scared
You can walk away and say we don't need this
But there's something in your eyes says we can beat this
'Cause these things will change, can you feel it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down
It's a revolution, the time will come for us to finally win
We'll sing hallelujah!
We'll sing hallelujah! Oh
Tonight we standed on our knees
To fight for what we worked for all these years
And the battle was long, it's the fight of our lives
Will we stand up champions tonight?
It was the night things changed, can you see it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back fell down
It's a revolution, throw your hands up, 'cause we never gave in
We'll sing hallelujah!
We sang hallelujah!
Hallelujah!
Somebody else gets what you wanted again
You know it's all the same, another time and place
Repeating history and you're getting sick of it
But I believe in whatever you do
And I'll do anything to see it through
Because these things will change, can you feel it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down
It's a revolution, the time will come for us to finally win
We'll sing hallelujah!
We'll sing hallelujah! Oh
So we've been outnumbered, raided and now cornered
It's hard to fight when the fight ain't fair
We're getting stronger now from things they never found
They might be bigger but we're faster and never scared
You can walk away and say we don't need this
But there's something in your eyes says we can beat this
'Cause these things will change, can you feel it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down
It's a revolution, the time will come for us to finally win
We'll sing hallelujah!
We'll sing hallelujah! Oh
Tonight we standed on our knees
To fight for what we worked for all these years
And the battle was long, it's the fight of our lives
Will we stand up champions tonight?
It was the night things changed, can you see it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back fell down
It's a revolution, throw your hands up, 'cause we never gave in
We'll sing hallelujah!
We sang hallelujah!
Hallelujah!
Monday, 15 February 2010
~#A Funny Feeling#
Remorse...
remorse [rɪˈmɔːs]
remorse [rɪˈmɔːs]
n
1. a sense of deep regret and guilt for some misdeed
2. compunction; pity; compassion
1. Moral anguish arising from repentance for past misdeeds; bitter regret. See Synonyms at penitence.
2. Obsolete Compassion.
a feeling of deep regret (usually for some misdeed)
It's a funny feeling, related to guilt...
Do You feel it?
I guess not, You are too busy feeling some"thing" else.
Rawr-Roar-Whore?
死。
No bullsh*t please. Oh too late, actions reflect words? Oh really?
Sunday, 14 February 2010
~#Valentines Day#
Happy V-cking V-day...
At least some people should enjoy this day of the year right?
regardless of what YOU think You are, go 吃屎,去死.
well somethings are just more important...
At least some people should enjoy this day of the year right?
regardless of what YOU think You are, go 吃屎,去死.
well somethings are just more important...
Friday, 12 February 2010
~#Love Of Iris#
Love Of Iris <3
those two eyes that just flittered by
i couldn't look at that time
i was just looking at those lips
i couldn't hear anything
if we were to be in another place at another time and fall in love
would we have been happy?
that time when we were living?
i falter just by looking at you
i can't forget or hate you
i can't seem to do anything else but love you
but while my heart can rest for one day
if i can forget you easily
that time when we were living?
i falter just by looking at you
i can't forget or hate you
i can't seem to do anything else but love you
but i can't reach for you no matter how i try
you seem even more beautiful when you're further away
but the more i love you, the more it hurts
why does my heart want only you?
i can't forget or hate you
i can't seem to do anything else but love you
du nun e geu dae ga heul leo do
두 눈 에 그 대 가 흘 러 도
geu dae neun nar bo ji mot han da
그 대 는 날 보 지 못 한 다
ip sur i ga man hi geu daer bul leo do
입 술 이 가 만 히 그 댈 불 러 도
geu dae neun deut ji mot han da
그 대 는 듣 지 못 한 다
da reun si gan e da reun gos e seo man na
다 른 시 간 에 다 른 곳 에 서 만 나
sa rang haet da myeon u rin ji geum haeng bok haess eul kka
사 랑 했 다 면 우 린 지 금 행 복 했 을 까
sar a it neun dong an e geu dae il ten de
살 아 있 는 동 안 에 그 대 일 텐 데
i jen hwi cheong geo rir na ui mo seup ppun il ten de
이 젠 휘 청 거 릴 나 의 모 습 뿐 일 텐 데
mi wo har su eops eo seo ij eur su do eops eo seo
미 워 할 수 없 어 서 잊 을 수 도 없 어 서
geu jeo sa rang ha neun il bakk e na neun har su eopt na bwa
그 저 사 랑 하 는 일 밖 에 나 는 할 수 없 나 봐
dan ha ru ra do ga seum i swir su it ge
단 하 루 라 도 가 슴 이 쉴 수 있 게
geu daer it go seo pyeon ha ge sum swir su it da myeon
그 댈 잊 고 서 편 하 게 숨 쉴 수 있 다 면
sar a it neun dong an e geu dae il ten de
살 아 있 는 동 안 에 그 대 일 텐 데
i jen hwi cheong geo rir na ui mo seup ppun il ten de
이 젠 휘 청 거 릴 나 의 모 습 뿐 일 텐 데
mi wo har su eops eo seo ij eul su do eops eo seo
미 워 할 수 없 어 서 잊 을 수 도 없 어 서
geu jeo sa rang ha neun il bakk e na neun har su eopt na bwa
그 저 사 랑 하 는 일 밖 에 나 는 할 수 없 나 봐
geu dae dah eul deus i dah ji anh a seo
그 대 닿 을 듯 이 닿 지 않 아 서
meol li iss eo do a reum dap na bwa
멀 리 있 어 도 아 름 답 나 봐
sa rang ha myeon hal su rog sang cheo ppun in de
사 랑 하 면 할 수 록 상 처 뿐 인 데
wae nae ga seum eun neo yeo ya man han da neun geon ji
왜 내 가 슴 은 너 여 야 만 한 다 는 건 지
mi wo har su eops eo seo ij eul su do eops eo seo
미 워 할 수 없 어 서 잊 을 수 도 없 어 서
geu jeo sa rang ha neun il bakk e na neun har su eopt na bwa
그 저 사 랑 하 는 일 밖 에 나 는 할 수 없 나 봐
those two eyes that just flittered by
i couldn't look at that time
i was just looking at those lips
i couldn't hear anything
if we were to be in another place at another time and fall in love
would we have been happy?
that time when we were living?
i falter just by looking at you
i can't forget or hate you
i can't seem to do anything else but love you
but while my heart can rest for one day
if i can forget you easily
that time when we were living?
i falter just by looking at you
i can't forget or hate you
i can't seem to do anything else but love you
but i can't reach for you no matter how i try
you seem even more beautiful when you're further away
but the more i love you, the more it hurts
why does my heart want only you?
i can't forget or hate you
i can't seem to do anything else but love you
du nun e geu dae ga heul leo do
두 눈 에 그 대 가 흘 러 도
geu dae neun nar bo ji mot han da
그 대 는 날 보 지 못 한 다
ip sur i ga man hi geu daer bul leo do
입 술 이 가 만 히 그 댈 불 러 도
geu dae neun deut ji mot han da
그 대 는 듣 지 못 한 다
da reun si gan e da reun gos e seo man na
다 른 시 간 에 다 른 곳 에 서 만 나
sa rang haet da myeon u rin ji geum haeng bok haess eul kka
사 랑 했 다 면 우 린 지 금 행 복 했 을 까
sar a it neun dong an e geu dae il ten de
살 아 있 는 동 안 에 그 대 일 텐 데
i jen hwi cheong geo rir na ui mo seup ppun il ten de
이 젠 휘 청 거 릴 나 의 모 습 뿐 일 텐 데
mi wo har su eops eo seo ij eur su do eops eo seo
미 워 할 수 없 어 서 잊 을 수 도 없 어 서
geu jeo sa rang ha neun il bakk e na neun har su eopt na bwa
그 저 사 랑 하 는 일 밖 에 나 는 할 수 없 나 봐
dan ha ru ra do ga seum i swir su it ge
단 하 루 라 도 가 슴 이 쉴 수 있 게
geu daer it go seo pyeon ha ge sum swir su it da myeon
그 댈 잊 고 서 편 하 게 숨 쉴 수 있 다 면
sar a it neun dong an e geu dae il ten de
살 아 있 는 동 안 에 그 대 일 텐 데
i jen hwi cheong geo rir na ui mo seup ppun il ten de
이 젠 휘 청 거 릴 나 의 모 습 뿐 일 텐 데
mi wo har su eops eo seo ij eul su do eops eo seo
미 워 할 수 없 어 서 잊 을 수 도 없 어 서
geu jeo sa rang ha neun il bakk e na neun har su eopt na bwa
그 저 사 랑 하 는 일 밖 에 나 는 할 수 없 나 봐
geu dae dah eul deus i dah ji anh a seo
그 대 닿 을 듯 이 닿 지 않 아 서
meol li iss eo do a reum dap na bwa
멀 리 있 어 도 아 름 답 나 봐
sa rang ha myeon hal su rog sang cheo ppun in de
사 랑 하 면 할 수 록 상 처 뿐 인 데
wae nae ga seum eun neo yeo ya man han da neun geon ji
왜 내 가 슴 은 너 여 야 만 한 다 는 건 지
mi wo har su eops eo seo ij eul su do eops eo seo
미 워 할 수 없 어 서 잊 을 수 도 없 어 서
geu jeo sa rang ha neun il bakk e na neun har su eopt na bwa
그 저 사 랑 하 는 일 밖 에 나 는 할 수 없 나 봐
Wednesday, 10 February 2010
Saturday, 6 February 2010
~#30Days - NeverShoutNever#
xXlizzaaXx cover <3
30 days till Christmas and all I know
Is I'm not quite ready to let go of this past year
I have so much to show
One more month and all I need
Is a sign from you, that you think of me
If you don't, then please just say so
'Cause all I do, is think of you
It's wearing me out, it's wearing me down
This holiday, is nothing but frowns for me
But I've got a gift, you see
I'm making a list, hell, I'll check it twice
Of all the things you've done in my life
Then I'll send it your way
So you see why I love you
Who would've thought that someone like me
Could've fallen in love so easily
I know that you know that I know what I want
I know I can't have it but give it a thought
I know that it sounds crazy, baby
But all I do is think of you
It's wearing me out, it's wearing me down
This holiday, is nothing but frowns for me
But I've got a gift, you see
I'm making a list, hell, I'll check it twice
Of all the things you've done in my life
Then I'll send it your way
So you see why I love...
Everything you throw my way
I know it's hard to say, but it's a crying shame
That I came all this way, with so much to say
But all that came out was "happy holiday"
A home cooked meal and a nice warm bed
Somebody to love a place to lay my head
But I got 30 days and I'ma make 'em count
Cause I can't call it Christmas without someone to smile about
30 days till Christmas and all I know
Is I'm not quite ready to let go of this past year
I have so much to show
One more month and all I need
Is a sign from you, that you think of me
If you don't, then please just say so
'Cause all I do, is think of you
It's wearing me out, it's wearing me down
This holiday, is nothing but frowns for me
But I've got a gift, you see
I'm making a list, hell, I'll check it twice
Of all the things you've done in my life
Then I'll send it your way
So you see why I love you
Who would've thought that someone like me
Could've fallen in love so easily
I know that you know that I know what I want
I know I can't have it but give it a thought
I know that it sounds crazy, baby
But all I do is think of you
It's wearing me out, it's wearing me down
This holiday, is nothing but frowns for me
But I've got a gift, you see
I'm making a list, hell, I'll check it twice
Of all the things you've done in my life
Then I'll send it your way
So you see why I love...
Everything you throw my way
I know it's hard to say, but it's a crying shame
That I came all this way, with so much to say
But all that came out was "happy holiday"
A home cooked meal and a nice warm bed
Somebody to love a place to lay my head
But I got 30 days and I'ma make 'em count
Cause I can't call it Christmas without someone to smile about
Friday, 22 January 2010
~#Cheese...#
The insane amount of cheesiness is epic ^^
Miley Cyrus - Million To One hahah
2 Old School songs lawl
BB Mak - Back Here
LFO - Girl On Tv
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