~#Life Ain't Fair#

Just wondering what it is that I did do receive what I am, and yet what did other people do to deserve what they get?
Life just doesn't seem fair.

Sure, I have the "knowledge" that God's plan is greater than all, regardless of whether we see, or agree with it, I am just now simply waiting for the evidence that this is true. I always thought I was strong enough to overcome almost anything that was thrown at me if I just trusted in His plan, even if I must suffer the outcome will be much greater...
Then why at this crucial point in my life does it seem that absolutely everything serves no purpose, everything right now is a time of preparing me for the road ahead... Why then is He toying with me? Why does He through the actions of humans make me feel so insignificant? So pointless, useless so pathetic? Why is it that I feel like I have been pushed so far that there appears to be no point of return, a line that has been crossed where nothing seems like nothing can be salvaged, a point where no matter what lies ahead that it will NEVER be enough to compensate for these FEW years... And I'm not saying that this "time" is over, these "few years" may continue to "grow" until hell knows how long. That will just continue to push me to thinking "is it worth it?"

Is my life so insignificant to everybody around me?
Is there even a purpose in my life?
Why must I constantly be replaced by someone so easily?
It is unbelievably soul destroying to know that I can be replaced so easily.
So, people say that it's not true, You are special BLAH DE BLAH. Well honestly Your words means nothing to me. They are nothing more than mere empty lies used to cover Your true feelings. Your actions clearly show Your true thoughts. What a surprise... Your actions and words contradict each other...

The thought plagues my mind, mentally torturing me, draining all of my energy, reducing me to act like an emotionless zombie just drifting through the days, barely making it though the day with a purpose. Each forced laugh, each fake smile creates a war in my mind and soul, it drains me of my energy.

So well not that it is my place to say or judge...
But why do some people get things they don't deserve?
Whereas some people don't get what they do deserve?
Sure Grace and Mercy to an extent is for all... But this appears restricted to only certain areas and aspects.
Sure maybe I'm wrong... Maybe my mind has become so warped, corrupted and biased that maybe I am unable to see the obvious...

Ultimately I am waiting on that "greater plan" will it really be worth it in the end?
I know how "easy" it is test and question God in our times of need and frustration...
But also why does it sometimes seem so hard to remember God in both our suffering and joy?
I'm not explicitly saying I hate God or anything like that. I'm just too frustrated and confused at the moment by His plan, I know I don't understand at the moment... But I don't know I'm just finding it all too difficult to do this alone.
I guess I am stupid for saying "alone" but what I mean is more that I am not alone in MY own desires, I mean I didn't give it up to achieve the opposite, I gave it up so that XYZ could have something better... I thought Sacrifice would be easy... I thought Sacrificing my own well-being for XYZ would be enough to keep me afloat and going... How wrong I was. I just want some confirmation or a sign to show that, something I have not received since embarking on this "test" but I am trying hard to trust... Which at the moment seems like a monstrosity of a task to achieve.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (New Living Translation)

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
6 Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Isaiah 40:8

8 The grass withers and the flowers fade,
but the word of our God stands forever.”

~#The Price#

So... Are You okay?
OF COURSE I'M NOT OK, now what are You gonna do?
Is that the answer You were expecting?
Of course not, so I'm gonna lie and say...
"I'm fine, I'm just a bit tired today"

So... Let's start from the beginning. Upon "returning" I acquired various materials objects with numerous uses. How did I pay for them?

Mastercard...

-Glasses to distort the distinct pain in my eyes...
£150

-Scarf to mask the words I truly want to say, to hide the fact I bite my lip every single time, to harbor my trembling and stuttering that I endure just to NOT say anything at all, in fear of making things worse.
£75

-A coat with large pockets to accomodate the intense rage that I can barely abstain, fists that want to lash out at the world and all that is within it.
£100

-iPOD to drown out all the crap I don't want t hear from the world. A way to just run away from it all.
£60

The ability to LIE, REPRESS and CONCEAL all emotions... PRICELESS.

Although this has a limited use, after a certain amount is used, almost irreparable affliction, corruption and damage to the mental side of the person will become apparent... Thus resulting in prolonged periods of time spent "repairing" and tending to the soul and brain...
Great...
But is it worth it? Well let's find out... So far its BARELY been bearable... But I'm only human so let's stick around long enough to see the final results... Will it be worth it in the end?

~#Invisible Person#

Son Dam Bi 손담비 - Invisible Person 투명인간

Amazing Ballad <3

~#Finding Happiness#

A college friend of mine who I had not been in contact with in a long time recently replied to me with this post.

http://mormon.org/mormonorg/eng/videos/finding-happiness

I don't think the embedded video works.



Those kids brought a rare smile to my face =)

~#Just A Nice Guy#

Wong Fu <3

Part One - The Problem

Just A Nice Guy; I'm not saying I'm a nice guy ><"

I mean am I even a nice guy...?

Part Two - The Lesson


Part Three - The Risk

~#Taylor Swift - Change#

And it's a sad picture, the final blow hits you
Somebody else gets what you wanted again
You know it's all the same, another time and place
Repeating history and you're getting sick of it

But I believe in whatever you do
And I'll do anything to see it through

Because these things will change, can you feel it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down
It's a revolution, the time will come for us to finally win

We'll sing hallelujah!
We'll sing hallelujah! Oh

So we've been outnumbered, raided and now cornered
It's hard to fight when the fight ain't fair
We're getting stronger now from things they never found
They might be bigger but we're faster and never scared

You can walk away and say we don't need this
But there's something in your eyes says we can beat this

'Cause these things will change, can you feel it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down
It's a revolution, the time will come for us to finally win

We'll sing hallelujah!
We'll sing hallelujah! Oh

Tonight we standed on our knees
To fight for what we worked for all these years
And the battle was long, it's the fight of our lives
Will we stand up champions tonight?

It was the night things changed, can you see it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back fell down
It's a revolution, throw your hands up, 'cause we never gave in

We'll sing hallelujah!
We sang hallelujah!
Hallelujah!

~#A Funny Feeling#

Remorse...
remorse [rɪˈmɔːs]

n

1. a sense of deep regret and guilt for some misdeed

2. compunction; pity; compassion

1. Moral anguish arising from repentance for past misdeeds; bitter regret. See Synonyms at penitence.

2. Obsolete Compassion.

a feeling of deep regret (usually for some misdeed)

It's a funny feeling, related to guilt...

Do You feel it?

I guess not, You are too busy feeling some"thing" else.

Rawr-Roar-Whore?

死。

No bullsh*t please. Oh too late, actions reflect words? Oh really?

~#Valentines Day#

Happy V-cking V-day...
At least some people should enjoy this day of the year right?
regardless of what YOU think You are, go 吃屎,去死.



well somethings are just more important...

~#Love Of Iris#

Love Of Iris <3




those two eyes that just flittered by
i couldn't look at that time
i was just looking at those lips
i couldn't hear anything
if we were to be in another place at another time and fall in love
would we have been happy?
that time when we were living?
i falter just by looking at you
i can't forget or hate you
i can't seem to do anything else but love you
but while my heart can rest for one day
if i can forget you easily
that time when we were living?
i falter just by looking at you
i can't forget or hate you
i can't seem to do anything else but love you
but i can't reach for you no matter how i try
you seem even more beautiful when you're further away
but the more i love you, the more it hurts
why does my heart want only you?
i can't forget or hate you
i can't seem to do anything else but love you

du nun e geu dae ga heul leo do
두 눈 에 그 대 가 흘 러 도
geu dae neun nar bo ji mot han da
그 대 는 날 보 지 못 한 다
ip sur i ga man hi geu daer bul leo do
입 술 이 가 만 히 그 댈 불 러 도
geu dae neun deut ji mot han da
그 대 는 듣 지 못 한 다
da reun si gan e da reun gos e seo man na
다 른 시 간 에 다 른 곳 에 서 만 나
sa rang haet da myeon u rin ji geum haeng bok haess eul kka
사 랑 했 다 면 우 린 지 금 행 복 했 을 까

sar a it neun dong an e geu dae il ten de
살 아 있 는 동 안 에 그 대 일 텐 데
i jen hwi cheong geo rir na ui mo seup ppun il ten de
이 젠 휘 청 거 릴 나 의 모 습 뿐 일 텐 데
mi wo har su eops eo seo ij eur su do eops eo seo
미 워 할 수 없 어 서 잊 을 수 도 없 어 서
geu jeo sa rang ha neun il bakk e na neun har su eopt na bwa
그 저 사 랑 하 는 일 밖 에 나 는 할 수 없 나 봐


dan ha ru ra do ga seum i swir su it ge
단 하 루 라 도 가 슴 이 쉴 수 있 게
geu daer it go seo pyeon ha ge sum swir su it da myeon
그 댈 잊 고 서 편 하 게 숨 쉴 수 있 다 면

sar a it neun dong an e geu dae il ten de
살 아 있 는 동 안 에 그 대 일 텐 데
i jen hwi cheong geo rir na ui mo seup ppun il ten de
이 젠 휘 청 거 릴 나 의 모 습 뿐 일 텐 데
mi wo har su eops eo seo ij eul su do eops eo seo
미 워 할 수 없 어 서 잊 을 수 도 없 어 서
geu jeo sa rang ha neun il bakk e na neun har su eopt na bwa
그 저 사 랑 하 는 일 밖 에 나 는 할 수 없 나 봐

geu dae dah eul deus i dah ji anh a seo
그 대 닿 을 듯 이 닿 지 않 아 서
meol li iss eo do a reum dap na bwa
멀 리 있 어 도 아 름 답 나 봐

sa rang ha myeon hal su rog sang cheo ppun in de
사 랑 하 면 할 수 록 상 처 뿐 인 데
wae nae ga seum eun neo yeo ya man han da neun geon ji
왜 내 가 슴 은 너 여 야 만 한 다 는 건 지
mi wo har su eops eo seo ij eul su do eops eo seo
미 워 할 수 없 어 서 잊 을 수 도 없 어 서
geu jeo sa rang ha neun il bakk e na neun har su eopt na bwa
그 저 사 랑 하 는 일 밖 에 나 는 할 수 없 나 봐

~# Baek Ji Young - Don't Forget (IRIS OST) #

Baek Ji Young - Don't Forget
from IRIS <3

~#30Days - NeverShoutNever#

xXlizzaaXx cover <3

30 days till Christmas and all I know
Is I'm not quite ready to let go of this past year
I have so much to show
One more month and all I need
Is a sign from you, that you think of me
If you don't, then please just say so
'Cause all I do, is think of you

It's wearing me out, it's wearing me down
This holiday, is nothing but frowns for me
But I've got a gift, you see
I'm making a list, hell, I'll check it twice
Of all the things you've done in my life
Then I'll send it your way
So you see why I love you

Who would've thought that someone like me
Could've fallen in love so easily
I know that you know that I know what I want
I know I can't have it but give it a thought
I know that it sounds crazy, baby
But all I do is think of you

It's wearing me out, it's wearing me down
This holiday, is nothing but frowns for me
But I've got a gift, you see
I'm making a list, hell, I'll check it twice
Of all the things you've done in my life
Then I'll send it your way
So you see why I love...

Everything you throw my way
I know it's hard to say, but it's a crying shame
That I came all this way, with so much to say
But all that came out was "happy holiday"
A home cooked meal and a nice warm bed
Somebody to love a place to lay my head
But I got 30 days and I'ma make 'em count
Cause I can't call it Christmas without someone to smile about