~#The Reason#

Meh seems to mean a lot more when the video is out of the picture O_O
Thanks And Credits go to
"u credit me as 'THE GREATEST PERSON EVER'/noo ¬_¬ put 'The greatest person in the world linked this to me and her name is Karen Mou'"
Cheeky Git lol
=)

~#I Believe...#

Just a random song from the olds days that I stumbled upon during my recent youtube trawls...
Yea... Boldness, Colour and Text Size represent how important I believe it to be.

Savage Garden - Affirmation



I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe forgiveness is the key to your own happiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse tv evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye
Until you say goodbye
Oh no no no no no

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Isaiah 40:8

⁸ The grass withers and the flowers fade,
but the word of our God stands forever.”

~#Confessions...#

Ok, well I can now say that it's not the beds nor my cough that is rendering me unable to sleep at night...
I wake up groggily to write this... I don't know why. I rarely wake up straight to go on the laptop... I usually have other things I do first like shower, pee, brush my teeth, check the mail, see who is in the house and check my phone ... But I just can't be bothered, I am just finding comfort in my music playlist. Recently I have been Korean-ified musically...I don't know why but for some reason they help. Or maybe it is just music in general.

But yea I'm not thinking straight... My mind keep drifting... Because I'm not fully awake...
A Continuation from my last post...

The reasons for the bitterness, anger, rage and unhappiness... I can only assume is from my own selfishness, my own blindness, I kept wanting something which I wasn't getting.
You already know what I can be like... I'm over possessive... over protective... Both in my own strange kind of way... The way I show things will never be received the way I want it to be... This is a lesson I am learning and take on board... Funnily enough football has been a big part in teaching me this. I am not everything, I am not the maker, I am not the orchestrator... There are others around me, I have to take their feelings in to accoutn aswell.

But what really sets me off on my rage?
Honestly... This will make me sound ever so bitter...
It's more that I am too sensetive to things. I takes things a lot further than people should or would.
To me I had given myself a mindset... To go in to everything, to do everything expecting nothing in return, that way I will never be disappointed.... But when I receive something I will be surprised in a good way.
But I don't know why, over the time I spent with You I kinda started expecting more and more in return.
Also some of the things that were said. This is the worst, because it will make me sound strange. But the things that we said... Then I felt like numerous times we didn't mean it... this is what kind of made the most dents for me. But like I said before... maybe You have a different way of showing things. Or maybe I just can't see the blatantly obvious.

This is short and obviously incoherent... As I now have to rush off to work...
But in all honesty... I don't care about that anymore...
Like I said, I'd give it all just to be new again.
But of course, maybe I have pushed too far. If I'm to be out of Your life, then so be it; You know whats best for You, not me.
If I am to have no part then thats Your choice... All I do now is wait...
Whatever the choice, I'm sorry for it all...


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Isaiah 40:8

⁸ The grass withers and the flowers fade,
but the word of our God stands forever.”

~#It's Time To...?#

Time for...
Make Or Break...

我很累了

Well... As hot tempered as I can be I know my rash decisions are usually regretted after thinking about it... There are many things I would do anything to take back... But I can't life goes on the way it does... Many times I have said, done and thought things knowing I would regret them in the future... Many times I have just jumped to typing in this blog when I'm not even emotionally stable, I have just begun typing when I have been filled with anger, bitterness and rage. Yet I have always been too "proud" to take back something I know I should... Well I know it sounds like an excuse for all the things I have said... well it's not an excuse, I take responsibility for the things I have done and said... Even though some are unforgivable...

NowI am just too tired...
Too tired of crying
Too tired of constantly hurting others...
Too tired of being hurt and hurting myself...
Too tired of worrying and wearing other people out...
Too tired to keep on fighting a losing fight...
Too tired to pretend like all is alright...
Too tired physically...
Too tired mentally...
Too tired spiritually...
Too tired of being tired...

I guess I would gladly throw
All my resentment...
All my bitterness...
All my pride...
All my pains...
All my dignity...
Everything that holds You against me, everything that holds the blame on Your head.
If I could just start it all over again... No past no nothing.

This is my "cowards" way out,I know. I won't ever say this to You, because I'm afraid of Your reaction, I'm scared of what You will do, say or think... So I will just wait... Let the days pass until You somehow read this... Or just get so sick of me.

In all honesty I would rather You,
Hate me...
Despise me...
Forget me...
If it will really give You everything You wanted.
I don't want to be the excess unneeded weight on Your shoulders...

So if You ever end up reading this...
I am actually sorry... I am so sorry that it hurts that I can't ever tell You face to face...
I feel like I have to have this "tough" exterior so that nobody can hurt me again... But I guess that it wasn't just me that was hurt...Many times I have continued to push You away... Now I think that I have pushed You so far that there is no return, well maybe that is the case, but that will be nobodys fault other than my own. I was wrong forgive me... Or don't if that is what it takes.

Like I've said many times... I would like to... But this isn't a decision for me alone to make...
This is all I have to offer... Take if You want it... Leave it if You don't... I'm just too tired...
My heart has been filled with the "wrong" sorts of emotions... I can easily blame You for this, but I do realise that I myself am entirely to blame.

I know I am just repeating myself now... But again, start new if You want, if You don't well thats fine too, whatever is best for You... I will never tell You this myself to Your face, I will just wait until You someday read this... If You ever read this...
I know there are many things I would like to say to You, many thing I would like to tell You, many qustions I have left unanswered that I would like to answer... Many apologies that I have never given...


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Isaiah 40:8

⁸ The grass withers and the flowers fade,
but the word of our God stands forever.”

~#Screwed?#

Hebrews 12:15 (New Living Translation)

¹⁵ Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.

Oh well I guess at the moment I'm totally screwed and corrupted then...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Isaiah 40:8

⁸ The grass withers and the flowers fade,
but the word of our God stands forever.”