About Me
- Jason 温浩贤 Wan
- Broken/Loner/Failure/Clingy/Needy/Chinese/Hypocrite/Cry Baby/Emotional/Gamer/Gold Farmer/Slacker/Lazy/Male/Need I Say More?
Tuesday, 17 August 2010
Tuesday, 10 August 2010
Barriers...
1 Corinthians 13:13 (New International Version)
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Hey wow... Time to be real...
My biggest barrier... Dealing, handling, viewing and prioritising relationships in my life; usually because I expect more from a person than what they want to give... I expect 80% but I only receive 30%... Relationships... Relationships... I don't explicitly mean Boy-Girl I mean relationships as a whole, friends and family.
1 Peter 3:8 (New Living Translation)
All Christians
8 Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.
John 13:34-35 (New Living Translation)
34 So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. 35 Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”
Matthew 28:19 (New Living Translation)
19 Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations,[a] baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit
Proverbs 27:10 (New International Version)
10 Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father,
and do not go to your brother's house when disaster strikes you—
better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.
Sometimes I wonder to myself...
Who do I take for granted, which "friends" could i treat better, take more notice, who do I owe some valuable one-on-one time with or who can give more Love back to...
cos seriously... is there a worse feeling than feeling un-needed? just to be tossed away?
I mean Hell...
"I may not mean much to the world but I may mean the world to one person"
sheesh... I mean its freaking hard to just even survive in life with a purpose, someone to You are doing things for, someones praise You seek... sure God is there, but just sometimes it would be so awesome just to know that I'm needed by someone, a person. As ashamed as I am to say, sometimes I just feel like of course God has blessed me with people around me, a heart that wants to help others, but jeez... Sometimes its just far too stressful, upsetting, demoralizing and just plain discouraging when people selfishly take advantage, they just take and take and take and take ONLY when they need You, but hey when there is something/someone else to keep You occupied You just up and leave, then oh, what a surprise; something will happen, I will be there, waiting patiently, diligently, honestly for You... And I guess I am stupid enough to think things will be different... Even when it is different people, they always have the same outcome... Sigh... Yet for some strange reason I continue to put my self on the line... Why? I don't know... It's not really like I benefit much from it... Even after the first few times... It is as though I just don't learn... I just fall in to the same old same old...
Is this really my purpose in life? To just be used when I'm needed and tossed away once my purpose has been served?
Matthew 25:14-30 (New Living Translation)
Parable of the Three Servants
14 “Again, the Kingdom of Heaven can be illustrated by the story of a man going on a long trip. He called together his servants and entrusted his money to them while he was gone. 15 He gave five bags of silver[a] to one, two bags of silver to another, and one bag of silver to the last—dividing it in proportion to their abilities. He then left on his trip.
16 “The servant who received the five bags of silver began to invest the money and earned five more. 17 The servant with two bags of silver also went to work and earned two more. 18 But the servant who received the one bag of silver dug a hole in the ground and hid the master’s money.
19 “After a long time their master returned from his trip and called them to give an account of how they had used his money. 20 The servant to whom he had entrusted the five bags of silver came forward with five more and said, ‘Master, you gave me five bags of silver to invest, and I have earned five more.’
21 “The master was full of praise. ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together![b]’
22 “The servant who had received the two bags of silver came forward and said, ‘Master, you gave me two bags of silver to invest, and I have earned two more.’
23 “The master said, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!’
24 “Then the servant with the one bag of silver came and said, ‘Master, I knew you were a harsh man, harvesting crops you didn’t plant and gathering crops you didn’t cultivate. 25 I was afraid I would lose your money, so I hid it in the earth. Look, here is your money back.’
26 “But the master replied, ‘You wicked and lazy servant! If you knew I harvested crops I didn’t plant and gathered crops I didn’t cultivate, 27 why didn’t you deposit my money in the bank? At least I could have gotten some interest on it.’
28 “Then he ordered, ‘Take the money from this servant, and give it to the one with the ten bags of silver. 29 To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away. 30 Now throw this useless servant into outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’
Great... Well because God is good I'm willing to continue in this "temporary" anguish if it means that others will even get a glimpse of His Love.
1 Peter 1:22 (New Living Translation)
22 You were cleansed from your sins when you obeyed the truth, so now you must show sincere love to each other as brothers and sisters.[a] Love each other deeply with all your heart
Sigh... To truly feel Joy...
Joy
J-Jesus
O-Others
Y-Yourself
So why do I feel I can only attain JO, I feel stuck; because of the O i can't seem to reach the Y. The O just decides that it just doesn't want me.
Psalm 34:18 (New International Version)
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Foundations, foundations... Foundations will be tested and rocked... But... My foundations must be firm...
Matthew 7:24-27 (New Living Translation)
Building on a Solid Foundation
24 “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. 25 Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. 26 But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. 27 When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”
Joshua 1:9 (New Living Translation)
9 This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lordyour God is with you wherever you go.”
Proverbs 3:5-6 (New Living Translation)
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
6 Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take.
Psalm 32:8 (New Living Translation)
8 The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.
I will advise you and watch over you.
Jeremiah 29:11 (New Living Translation)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Hebrews 12:15 (New Living Translation)
15 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.
Matthew 5:13-16 (New Living Translation)
Teaching about Salt and Light
13 “You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless.
14 “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. 15 No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.
Acts 20:35 (New International Version)
35In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.' "
1 Corinthians 10:31 (New Living Translation)
31 So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
It may not be exactly what I want... But is it about what I want or what He wants? I hold on to His Promises...
Job 8:21 (New Living Translation)
21 He will once again fill your mouth with laughter
and your lips with shouts of joy.
He will strengthen me if what I do is His will
Matthew 11:28 (New International Version)
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
1 Peter 5:7 (New International Version)
7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Isaiah 40:31 (New International Version)
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
So currently all I do is pray; prayer a powerful weapon that God has blessed us with.
James 5:16 (New International Version)
16Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
1 Thessalonians 5:17 (New International Version)
17pray continually;
So... I shall continue for Him, because of His Love and blessing I shall in return aim to Love and bless others regardless of my own situation, but there are times when I just can't take any more without venting... Or at least attempting to let You know...
Proverbs 18:24 (New International Version)
24 A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 17:17 (New International Version)
17 A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for adversity.
Proverbs 27:17 (New International Version)
17 As iron sharpens iron,
so one man sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:19 (New International Version)
19 As water reflects a face,
so a man's heart reflects the man.
I believe in the sun
Even when it isn’t shining.
I believe in Love
Even when I am alone.
I believe in God
Even when He is silent.
So...
God Loves You...
I Love You...
Isaiah 40:8 (New International Version)
8 The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of our God stands forever."
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Hey wow... Time to be real...
My biggest barrier... Dealing, handling, viewing and prioritising relationships in my life; usually because I expect more from a person than what they want to give... I expect 80% but I only receive 30%... Relationships... Relationships... I don't explicitly mean Boy-Girl I mean relationships as a whole, friends and family.
1 Peter 3:8 (New Living Translation)
All Christians
8 Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.
John 13:34-35 (New Living Translation)
34 So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. 35 Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”
Matthew 28:19 (New Living Translation)
19 Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations,[a] baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit
Proverbs 27:10 (New International Version)
10 Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father,
and do not go to your brother's house when disaster strikes you—
better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.
Sometimes I wonder to myself...
Who do I take for granted, which "friends" could i treat better, take more notice, who do I owe some valuable one-on-one time with or who can give more Love back to...
cos seriously... is there a worse feeling than feeling un-needed? just to be tossed away?
I mean Hell...
"I may not mean much to the world but I may mean the world to one person"
sheesh... I mean its freaking hard to just even survive in life with a purpose, someone to You are doing things for, someones praise You seek... sure God is there, but just sometimes it would be so awesome just to know that I'm needed by someone, a person. As ashamed as I am to say, sometimes I just feel like of course God has blessed me with people around me, a heart that wants to help others, but jeez... Sometimes its just far too stressful, upsetting, demoralizing and just plain discouraging when people selfishly take advantage, they just take and take and take and take ONLY when they need You, but hey when there is something/someone else to keep You occupied You just up and leave, then oh, what a surprise; something will happen, I will be there, waiting patiently, diligently, honestly for You... And I guess I am stupid enough to think things will be different... Even when it is different people, they always have the same outcome... Sigh... Yet for some strange reason I continue to put my self on the line... Why? I don't know... It's not really like I benefit much from it... Even after the first few times... It is as though I just don't learn... I just fall in to the same old same old...
Is this really my purpose in life? To just be used when I'm needed and tossed away once my purpose has been served?
Matthew 25:14-30 (New Living Translation)
Parable of the Three Servants
14 “Again, the Kingdom of Heaven can be illustrated by the story of a man going on a long trip. He called together his servants and entrusted his money to them while he was gone. 15 He gave five bags of silver[a] to one, two bags of silver to another, and one bag of silver to the last—dividing it in proportion to their abilities. He then left on his trip.
16 “The servant who received the five bags of silver began to invest the money and earned five more. 17 The servant with two bags of silver also went to work and earned two more. 18 But the servant who received the one bag of silver dug a hole in the ground and hid the master’s money.
19 “After a long time their master returned from his trip and called them to give an account of how they had used his money. 20 The servant to whom he had entrusted the five bags of silver came forward with five more and said, ‘Master, you gave me five bags of silver to invest, and I have earned five more.’
21 “The master was full of praise. ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together![b]’
22 “The servant who had received the two bags of silver came forward and said, ‘Master, you gave me two bags of silver to invest, and I have earned two more.’
23 “The master said, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!’
24 “Then the servant with the one bag of silver came and said, ‘Master, I knew you were a harsh man, harvesting crops you didn’t plant and gathering crops you didn’t cultivate. 25 I was afraid I would lose your money, so I hid it in the earth. Look, here is your money back.’
26 “But the master replied, ‘You wicked and lazy servant! If you knew I harvested crops I didn’t plant and gathered crops I didn’t cultivate, 27 why didn’t you deposit my money in the bank? At least I could have gotten some interest on it.’
28 “Then he ordered, ‘Take the money from this servant, and give it to the one with the ten bags of silver. 29 To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away. 30 Now throw this useless servant into outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’
Great... Well because God is good I'm willing to continue in this "temporary" anguish if it means that others will even get a glimpse of His Love.
1 Peter 1:22 (New Living Translation)
22 You were cleansed from your sins when you obeyed the truth, so now you must show sincere love to each other as brothers and sisters.[a] Love each other deeply with all your heart
Sigh... To truly feel Joy...
Joy
J-Jesus
O-Others
Y-Yourself
So why do I feel I can only attain JO, I feel stuck; because of the O i can't seem to reach the Y. The O just decides that it just doesn't want me.
Psalm 34:18 (New International Version)
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Foundations, foundations... Foundations will be tested and rocked... But... My foundations must be firm...
Matthew 7:24-27 (New Living Translation)
Building on a Solid Foundation
24 “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. 25 Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. 26 But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. 27 When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”
Joshua 1:9 (New Living Translation)
9 This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lordyour God is with you wherever you go.”
Proverbs 3:5-6 (New Living Translation)
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
6 Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take.
Psalm 32:8 (New Living Translation)
8 The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.
I will advise you and watch over you.
Jeremiah 29:11 (New Living Translation)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Hebrews 12:15 (New Living Translation)
15 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.
Matthew 5:13-16 (New Living Translation)
Teaching about Salt and Light
13 “You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless.
14 “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. 15 No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.
Acts 20:35 (New International Version)
35In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.' "
1 Corinthians 10:31 (New Living Translation)
31 So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
It may not be exactly what I want... But is it about what I want or what He wants? I hold on to His Promises...
Job 8:21 (New Living Translation)
21 He will once again fill your mouth with laughter
and your lips with shouts of joy.
He will strengthen me if what I do is His will
Matthew 11:28 (New International Version)
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
1 Peter 5:7 (New International Version)
7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Isaiah 40:31 (New International Version)
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
So currently all I do is pray; prayer a powerful weapon that God has blessed us with.
James 5:16 (New International Version)
16Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
1 Thessalonians 5:17 (New International Version)
17pray continually;
So... I shall continue for Him, because of His Love and blessing I shall in return aim to Love and bless others regardless of my own situation, but there are times when I just can't take any more without venting... Or at least attempting to let You know...
Proverbs 18:24 (New International Version)
24 A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 17:17 (New International Version)
17 A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for adversity.
Proverbs 27:17 (New International Version)
17 As iron sharpens iron,
so one man sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:19 (New International Version)
19 As water reflects a face,
so a man's heart reflects the man.
I believe in the sun
Even when it isn’t shining.
I believe in Love
Even when I am alone.
I believe in God
Even when He is silent.
So...
God Loves You...
I Love You...
Isaiah 40:8 (New International Version)
8 The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of our God stands forever."
Salvation is here...
He doesn't care...
God is for all =D
who You are
where You're from
what You did
as long as You Love Him
God is for all =D
who You are
where You're from
what You did
as long as You Love Him
Saturday, 29 May 2010
Friday, 7 May 2010
~# Run... #
This is what is in my heart...
why will it not enter my mind?
You were God from the outset
Powerful and creative
You who saw us here before you called
All the stars and the earth to existence
You are God you are Holy
History is you story
You, who was and is
And who forever will be
God we live for your Glory
So we will run
All together our hearts aflame
With a fire that can't be tamed
Our God all Glory to your name
Jesus
You are God you are freedom
You're alive now within us
You who saw us here before
You conquered the grave
And delivered on the promise
We will run
Our surrender to bring you fame
Our desire that you be praised
Our God all Glory to your name
Jesus
-----------------------
My mind which is filled with so many impure thoughts.
Thoughts of rage, anger, wrath and pain...
Need I say more?
I'm not perfect... but I'm trying...
So that's how You want to do things?
This truly is an immaculate display of idiotic blindness...
You do that, You continue to be moulded, to be ordered around, always following and changing so that You can suit His "needs/wants/desires".
Freaking stupid dicks.
Believe me, You are HUMAN You will NEVER be enough to satisfy, when that day comes, when You can no longer fulfil the needs or fulfil the requirements... You will know how painful it truly, so until then; You live Your life how You deem fit. My opinion OBVIOUSLY MEANS NOTHING, MEANS SQUAT to You.
What kind of stupid insecure retard needs to PICK between friends?
How insecure...
How pathetic...
How STUPID...
do you have to be?
Even more STUPID is the IDIOT who actually picks.
I hope You realise that the fact that You were indirectly asked to choose between me and him makes You realise that who actually had the better intentions for You, what kind of a DICK HEAD asks You to choose between friends?
You live with Your decision, I hope You think it is the right one, the one which will keep You happy for your entire life. I hope you NEVER regret it... Once you begin to regret You will realise You have NEITHER.
Well, the fact that You heeded this question and answered PROVES how You are so UNDESERVING of my friendship... I can honestly, sincerely say I would of done almost anything had You just asked with no thought of repayment or bargaining...
Well You made your choice live with it. I have made my choice, I'll live with it.
Have it Your way then, be that way, I can honestly say I tried, I tried to understand and pretend; that didn't work. I tried being harsh so I could be totally honest; that didn't work either. What else can I do or say?
Nothing... All I can do is wait and pray...
So be it.
You have Your own life You live it however You want, I have no control over it.
You will never know what it's like, I hope that it stays that way for Your own sake.
I do find it slightly distressing how You make it out to be my fault, all I can say to that is why the balls don't You try seeing it from my point of view, You stupid ignorant piece of turd; I can no longer contain my bitter resentment. A turd that doesn't deserve even a PORTION of the effort I have and would pour in to You.
I don't need another hindrance to continue to drag and hold me down....................
Especially a pathetic one that can so easily throw people away...
Thanks for making me feel so much worse than I ever should.
Thanks for using me so that You can feel good.
Thanks for wasting all my effort.
Thanks for destroying all my self esteem, trampling all over it.
Thanks for showing me how some people on this earth are...
I would Love to say that this had made me a stronger person; that this has helped me to build my character, that this has refined me as a person...
But no, this has weakened me substantially, to a point where I am unable to trust wholeheartedly in anything, yes I blame You.
I bid You farewell and Adieu...
All acknowledgement of Your existence shall be kept strictly in prayer only...
As I'm "not allowed" to speak to You. It was Your decision, You made it, You keep it.
Actions have consequences, I have a limit, I can only take a certain amount of hits before I give up... I would Love to say that I can keep getting up continuously without any lasting damage... But that just isn't true.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Isaiah 40:8
8 The grass withers and the flowers fade,
but the word of our God stands forever.”
why will it not enter my mind?
You were God from the outset
Powerful and creative
You who saw us here before you called
All the stars and the earth to existence
You are God you are Holy
History is you story
You, who was and is
And who forever will be
God we live for your Glory
So we will run
All together our hearts aflame
With a fire that can't be tamed
Our God all Glory to your name
Jesus
You are God you are freedom
You're alive now within us
You who saw us here before
You conquered the grave
And delivered on the promise
We will run
Our surrender to bring you fame
Our desire that you be praised
Our God all Glory to your name
Jesus
-----------------------
My mind which is filled with so many impure thoughts.
Thoughts of rage, anger, wrath and pain...
Need I say more?
I'm not perfect... but I'm trying...
So that's how You want to do things?
This truly is an immaculate display of idiotic blindness...
You do that, You continue to be moulded, to be ordered around, always following and changing so that You can suit His "needs/wants/desires".
Freaking stupid dicks.
Believe me, You are HUMAN You will NEVER be enough to satisfy, when that day comes, when You can no longer fulfil the needs or fulfil the requirements... You will know how painful it truly, so until then; You live Your life how You deem fit. My opinion OBVIOUSLY MEANS NOTHING, MEANS SQUAT to You.
What kind of stupid insecure retard needs to PICK between friends?
How insecure...
How pathetic...
How STUPID...
do you have to be?
Even more STUPID is the IDIOT who actually picks.
I hope You realise that the fact that You were indirectly asked to choose between me and him makes You realise that who actually had the better intentions for You, what kind of a DICK HEAD asks You to choose between friends?
You live with Your decision, I hope You think it is the right one, the one which will keep You happy for your entire life. I hope you NEVER regret it... Once you begin to regret You will realise You have NEITHER.
Well, the fact that You heeded this question and answered PROVES how You are so UNDESERVING of my friendship... I can honestly, sincerely say I would of done almost anything had You just asked with no thought of repayment or bargaining...
Well You made your choice live with it. I have made my choice, I'll live with it.
Have it Your way then, be that way, I can honestly say I tried, I tried to understand and pretend; that didn't work. I tried being harsh so I could be totally honest; that didn't work either. What else can I do or say?
Nothing... All I can do is wait and pray...
So be it.
You have Your own life You live it however You want, I have no control over it.
You will never know what it's like, I hope that it stays that way for Your own sake.
I do find it slightly distressing how You make it out to be my fault, all I can say to that is why the balls don't You try seeing it from my point of view, You stupid ignorant piece of turd; I can no longer contain my bitter resentment. A turd that doesn't deserve even a PORTION of the effort I have and would pour in to You.
I don't need another hindrance to continue to drag and hold me down....................
Especially a pathetic one that can so easily throw people away...
Thanks for making me feel so much worse than I ever should.
Thanks for using me so that You can feel good.
Thanks for wasting all my effort.
Thanks for destroying all my self esteem, trampling all over it.
Thanks for showing me how some people on this earth are...
I would Love to say that this had made me a stronger person; that this has helped me to build my character, that this has refined me as a person...
But no, this has weakened me substantially, to a point where I am unable to trust wholeheartedly in anything, yes I blame You.
I bid You farewell and Adieu...
All acknowledgement of Your existence shall be kept strictly in prayer only...
As I'm "not allowed" to speak to You. It was Your decision, You made it, You keep it.
Actions have consequences, I have a limit, I can only take a certain amount of hits before I give up... I would Love to say that I can keep getting up continuously without any lasting damage... But that just isn't true.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Isaiah 40:8
8 The grass withers and the flowers fade,
but the word of our God stands forever.”
Monday, 3 May 2010
~# Pathetic #
Wow... I thought I would leave this a few days to see if my anger and rage would settle down from this...
Well I guess it didn't...
So here goes...
Well how pathetic...
Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic...
pa·thet·ic [puh-thet-ik]
–adjective
1.
causing or evoking pity, sympathetic sadness, sorrow, etc.; pitiful; pitiable: a pathetic letter; a pathetic sight.
A word I rarely throw around, when used it is only in seriousness.
Yes You are Pathetic...
I have made myself clear on numerous occasions...
So unbelievably freaking clear...
I have "given up" something so important for You, You already have it, I gave it so You could have it You stupid immature insecure retard... So why must You piss all over it to mark Your territory? Imbecile.
So hows about growing a pair of bollocks and manning up? You freaking coward.
And now on to You... You are NOT better in ANY WAY, if anything You are WORSE far worse... Are You going to come running and make up another pathetic empty invalid reason to excuse such a pathetic display of idiocy...?
You will protect and make up any crap excuse You can find to make it appear as if it is my fault, or at the very least not Your/His fault.
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
Seriously if I am able to be "brushed off" so easily then our friendship means nothing, seriously what a load of bollocks.
One day; which I earnestly pray will NEVER happen to You. You may lose it all... When that happens... You can ask and wonder where and why it all went wrong... Then maybe Your eyes MAY be opened...
"Your Precious" where did it go...
Where will You go?
Who will You turn to?
Why are people not listening?
How come they are not keeping their promises?
What they said isn't true? They would always be there but now they are not?
Once everything of Yours has been taken and used... When You will be nothing worthwhile, When You are "boring"... You will realise that there are very few people who will make and keep a promise, and even fewer people who will sincerely give all they have for You, sacrificing for Your benefit. Those people are the ones You want to hang on to REGARDLESS of whatever.
But fine, be blind. Hold on to something that can be broken so easily.
I'm SURE You will be told that "I'm not worth it if this is all it takes to set me off..." Of course You will be told this! You are not supposed to have any contact that could "disrupt" You and "Your precious"...
You make the pathetic lies and excuses, yet when it is someone else it is not right? Wow really pathetic, You make up the lies to protect something so pathetic, yet when I asked about something similar You brought up a lot of "possibly" valid reasons, however since now it is "Your precious" asking You don't have to question it, You just have to instantly assume its "best"...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
But fine, fine, throw me away, I obviously don't mean a thing.
He tells You to jump,
You reply How high...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
I am generally tolerable, I will be annoyed for a short period of time and cool off and come to my senses realising what I have done, I will even go to the lengths of pretending like You even apologised for things You SHOULD have. I won't even bring up the situation even if it benefit me or if I can use it against You...
But some things for me are just too hard to "just accept, erase and pretend" never happened.
And You expect me to forgive You for this?
If my friendship meant THAT LITTLE to You then screw You, You just don't deserve it.
Numerous times I have continued to accept and admit that I was wrong when personally I don't think I am, I pushed ALL my pride aside for our friendship...
friend·ship [frend-ship]
–noun
1.
the state of being a friend; association as friends: to value a person's friendship
But that doesn't ANYTHING to You, does it?
Our friendship has NO VALUE does it?
Or oh wait... You are going to say what? it doesn't have the same value? Obviously not... You literally MADE YOUR DECISION by telling me the EMPTY FAKE problem...
How many other people will You stupidly throw away?
It may just be me this time...
You probably don't even care,
You have many more "friends"...
You still have "Your Precious"
As soon as "Your Precious" was even slightly upset You just threw me aside, no second thought as to how it may affect me. All You thought about was "Your Precious" and Yourself... Thanks a bunch. It's always oh so great to be tossed aside, to be shown You have,
No Meaning...
No Purpose...
No Significance...
No Nothing...
Now You have the CHEEK to say to me
WHEN YOU FORGIVE ME talk to me, You will be waiting...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
What an impeccable display of ignorance, idiocy, and just plain stupidity.
I know I am called to forgive all and not hold grudges... With God I pray for forgiveness...
But that doesn't mean I will be actively seeking to repair our "friendship"
I believe that You wouldn't even be able to think of one significant reason why I should.
You don't even care enough, which was blatantly show by Your actions... How You overlooked my thoughts, my possible feeling regarding this matter, yes You clearly value something like "that" so much more above something so lowly as my friendship...
I hear excuses after excuse that You make for "Your Precious" it sickens and disgusts me...
You who have changed in such a negative way...
But what? Oh right... Another invalid excuse? to make Yourselves think that its right?
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
I can honestly say that this is partially for Your benefit,
I actually pray wholeheartedly that I actually mean something to You...
It pains me so much to have to separate myself so suddenly, it's not so easy for myself either...
But I hope that this will open Your eyes... Even if a small amount...
Just SEE SOMETHING...
John 13:34-35
34 So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. 35 Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.
1 Peter 3:8
All Christians
8 Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters.Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.
Maybe my approach is not perfect... Maybe I'm not so humble and tenderhearted... But I'm trying...
1 Corinthians 10:31
31 So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
Ultimately where does love come from? Where is the root of love? If you truly want to know how to have a harmony filled, long lasting successful relationship then wouldn’t you want to find the origin of relationships, the real author of love? If so, then what’s stopping you? Often times people wander around looking for love in all the wrong places and they end up getting hurt and used by others. If your true desire is to build a relationship with a foundation that will stand in love, seek out the creator. Start by beginning or reconciling your relationship with the Heavenly Father, for that is where everything began. How can anyone expect to have a healthy loving relationship with others unless they first have one with the originator? The initial answer is much closer than many might think, it’s so easy, just look up! He is waiting for you with open arms.
Just know that Gods love is unfailing, He will never leave your or forsake you, you can depend on God to meet all your needs. Is there anybody you can personally mention, in all honesty, that has been that way in your life? I don’t think you will find any human capable of perfect love, but maybe that is what everyone is continuing to search for? God is the one that spoke you into existence just to have a meaningful love relationship with you. Does this mean that reaching out to him that all your problems will magically go away, no. It takes time to resolve issues that took time to arise in conflict, but the reference remains with God.
A relationship is sustained by both parties Love for God being greater than their Love for each other...
Also... A person will NEVER change for You. Only God can change a person. What makes You think that You can prevent someone from hurting You again and again for the same things? You can't. Only God can. Now I'm not saying I'm perfect nor am I saying that I never hurt You but I do believe that I have been pushed to finally being forced to tough Love, since even before the start of this blog; back in October 2009 I have felt as though nothing will get through to You... So I hope that this will actually open Your eyes...
If not then I guess You will hate me for a long time if not forever.
But in all honesty... I think You still have something essential that You need to learn, and I'm not going to feed it to You on a plate.
I wholeheartedly pray that this harsh message will get through to You...
If not then, I guess it really proves how meaningless I am to You.
Anger and finger pointing is expected... I assume that You will even ask what right do I have to say this?
Maybe socially that is true... Hmm... But since when do I give a buggery balls what everyone else thinks.
Well fine this is my ultimatum.
I am not going to continue to bend over backwards for Your sake only.
I also have a limit, a breaking point... You aren't the only one with problems.
So read this thoroughly and properly, if You get angry I pray that the things I say get through to You, if not then what can I say, I guess I will have pushed You too far beyond reparation. I can not say I don't care because that would be a lie. I care, believe I care, if anything I care too much and if You cant understand why I say the things I say well I don't know what else I can do.
My promise is always there... But I can't stand by letting You blindly being "controlled and moulded"... You may not see it and it may not seem right... but that is my "defence" for my harshness and brutal "honesty".
Well I guess it didn't...
So here goes...
Well how pathetic...
Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic...
pa·thet·ic [puh-thet-ik]
–adjective
1.
causing or evoking pity, sympathetic sadness, sorrow, etc.; pitiful; pitiable: a pathetic letter; a pathetic sight.
A word I rarely throw around, when used it is only in seriousness.
Yes You are Pathetic...
I have made myself clear on numerous occasions...
So unbelievably freaking clear...
I have "given up" something so important for You, You already have it, I gave it so You could have it You stupid immature insecure retard... So why must You piss all over it to mark Your territory? Imbecile.
So hows about growing a pair of bollocks and manning up? You freaking coward.
And now on to You... You are NOT better in ANY WAY, if anything You are WORSE far worse... Are You going to come running and make up another pathetic empty invalid reason to excuse such a pathetic display of idiocy...?
You will protect and make up any crap excuse You can find to make it appear as if it is my fault, or at the very least not Your/His fault.
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
Seriously if I am able to be "brushed off" so easily then our friendship means nothing, seriously what a load of bollocks.
One day; which I earnestly pray will NEVER happen to You. You may lose it all... When that happens... You can ask and wonder where and why it all went wrong... Then maybe Your eyes MAY be opened...
"Your Precious" where did it go...
Where will You go?
Who will You turn to?
Why are people not listening?
How come they are not keeping their promises?
What they said isn't true? They would always be there but now they are not?
Once everything of Yours has been taken and used... When You will be nothing worthwhile, When You are "boring"... You will realise that there are very few people who will make and keep a promise, and even fewer people who will sincerely give all they have for You, sacrificing for Your benefit. Those people are the ones You want to hang on to REGARDLESS of whatever.
But fine, be blind. Hold on to something that can be broken so easily.
I'm SURE You will be told that "I'm not worth it if this is all it takes to set me off..." Of course You will be told this! You are not supposed to have any contact that could "disrupt" You and "Your precious"...
You make the pathetic lies and excuses, yet when it is someone else it is not right? Wow really pathetic, You make up the lies to protect something so pathetic, yet when I asked about something similar You brought up a lot of "possibly" valid reasons, however since now it is "Your precious" asking You don't have to question it, You just have to instantly assume its "best"...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
But fine, fine, throw me away, I obviously don't mean a thing.
He tells You to jump,
You reply How high...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
I am generally tolerable, I will be annoyed for a short period of time and cool off and come to my senses realising what I have done, I will even go to the lengths of pretending like You even apologised for things You SHOULD have. I won't even bring up the situation even if it benefit me or if I can use it against You...
But some things for me are just too hard to "just accept, erase and pretend" never happened.
And You expect me to forgive You for this?
If my friendship meant THAT LITTLE to You then screw You, You just don't deserve it.
Numerous times I have continued to accept and admit that I was wrong when personally I don't think I am, I pushed ALL my pride aside for our friendship...
friend·ship [frend-ship]
–noun
1.
the state of being a friend; association as friends: to value a person's friendship
But that doesn't ANYTHING to You, does it?
Our friendship has NO VALUE does it?
Or oh wait... You are going to say what? it doesn't have the same value? Obviously not... You literally MADE YOUR DECISION by telling me the EMPTY FAKE problem...
How many other people will You stupidly throw away?
It may just be me this time...
You probably don't even care,
You have many more "friends"...
You still have "Your Precious"
As soon as "Your Precious" was even slightly upset You just threw me aside, no second thought as to how it may affect me. All You thought about was "Your Precious" and Yourself... Thanks a bunch. It's always oh so great to be tossed aside, to be shown You have,
No Meaning...
No Purpose...
No Significance...
No Nothing...
Now You have the CHEEK to say to me
WHEN YOU FORGIVE ME talk to me, You will be waiting...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
What an impeccable display of ignorance, idiocy, and just plain stupidity.
I know I am called to forgive all and not hold grudges... With God I pray for forgiveness...
But that doesn't mean I will be actively seeking to repair our "friendship"
I believe that You wouldn't even be able to think of one significant reason why I should.
You don't even care enough, which was blatantly show by Your actions... How You overlooked my thoughts, my possible feeling regarding this matter, yes You clearly value something like "that" so much more above something so lowly as my friendship...
I hear excuses after excuse that You make for "Your Precious" it sickens and disgusts me...
You who have changed in such a negative way...
But what? Oh right... Another invalid excuse? to make Yourselves think that its right?
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
Pathetic...
I can honestly say that this is partially for Your benefit,
I actually pray wholeheartedly that I actually mean something to You...
It pains me so much to have to separate myself so suddenly, it's not so easy for myself either...
But I hope that this will open Your eyes... Even if a small amount...
Just SEE SOMETHING...
John 13:34-35
34 So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. 35 Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.
1 Peter 3:8
All Christians
8 Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters.Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.
Maybe my approach is not perfect... Maybe I'm not so humble and tenderhearted... But I'm trying...
1 Corinthians 10:31
31 So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
Ultimately where does love come from? Where is the root of love? If you truly want to know how to have a harmony filled, long lasting successful relationship then wouldn’t you want to find the origin of relationships, the real author of love? If so, then what’s stopping you? Often times people wander around looking for love in all the wrong places and they end up getting hurt and used by others. If your true desire is to build a relationship with a foundation that will stand in love, seek out the creator. Start by beginning or reconciling your relationship with the Heavenly Father, for that is where everything began. How can anyone expect to have a healthy loving relationship with others unless they first have one with the originator? The initial answer is much closer than many might think, it’s so easy, just look up! He is waiting for you with open arms.
Just know that Gods love is unfailing, He will never leave your or forsake you, you can depend on God to meet all your needs. Is there anybody you can personally mention, in all honesty, that has been that way in your life? I don’t think you will find any human capable of perfect love, but maybe that is what everyone is continuing to search for? God is the one that spoke you into existence just to have a meaningful love relationship with you. Does this mean that reaching out to him that all your problems will magically go away, no. It takes time to resolve issues that took time to arise in conflict, but the reference remains with God.
A relationship is sustained by both parties Love for God being greater than their Love for each other...
Also... A person will NEVER change for You. Only God can change a person. What makes You think that You can prevent someone from hurting You again and again for the same things? You can't. Only God can. Now I'm not saying I'm perfect nor am I saying that I never hurt You but I do believe that I have been pushed to finally being forced to tough Love, since even before the start of this blog; back in October 2009 I have felt as though nothing will get through to You... So I hope that this will actually open Your eyes...
If not then I guess You will hate me for a long time if not forever.
But in all honesty... I think You still have something essential that You need to learn, and I'm not going to feed it to You on a plate.
I wholeheartedly pray that this harsh message will get through to You...
If not then, I guess it really proves how meaningless I am to You.
Anger and finger pointing is expected... I assume that You will even ask what right do I have to say this?
Maybe socially that is true... Hmm... But since when do I give a buggery balls what everyone else thinks.
Well fine this is my ultimatum.
I am not going to continue to bend over backwards for Your sake only.
I also have a limit, a breaking point... You aren't the only one with problems.
So read this thoroughly and properly, if You get angry I pray that the things I say get through to You, if not then what can I say, I guess I will have pushed You too far beyond reparation. I can not say I don't care because that would be a lie. I care, believe I care, if anything I care too much and if You cant understand why I say the things I say well I don't know what else I can do.
My promise is always there... But I can't stand by letting You blindly being "controlled and moulded"... You may not see it and it may not seem right... but that is my "defence" for my harshness and brutal "honesty".
I don't even know if You will ever know how much my heart aches and yearns for You...
I constantly feel as though I put far much more thought in to this than You, far much more thought in to this that I should. But shouldn't that actually mean that I actually value and care so much that it is on my mind so much? Well I hope You think that...
"I always want You in my life, not be apart, our unique bond; I mean it and I intend to keep it..."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Isaiah 40:8
8 The grass withers and the flowers fade,
but the word of our God stands forever.”
Promise <3
"I always want You in my life, not be apart, our unique bond; I mean it and I intend to keep it..."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Isaiah 40:8
8 The grass withers and the flowers fade,
but the word of our God stands forever.”
Saturday, 1 May 2010
~# Aj Rafael - When We Say (Juicebox) #
Aj Rafael - When We Say (Juicebox)
Somethin bout the way
Somethin bout the way you look
In my eyes
You make everything so damn easy
So easy that I don't got to worry bout a thing
And baby when we touch
All I can see is the image of us
Sitting by the ocean
Just before the dusk
Sippin on a juice box and
Sand between our toes
This is the part when we say were in love
And the part where we have our first kiss
But this ain't a movie
I know you can't come with me
You got your life
He better be treatin you right
Just tell me you don't love me
Tell me you don't feel the same way that I do
Tell me I don't make you smile
Like I do when you walk in the room
You're so hard to let go
This is the part when we say were in love
And the part where we say it's forever
But this ain't a fantasy
I know you can't come with me
You got your life
He better be treatin you right
This hurts so much to know that you're
With someone else when you should be with me
It's just hard to accept that I can't be around
He better be treatin you good
I'm no Einstein but I know a sign
When I see one
And I know you love me too
I know you love me too
This is the part when we say were in love
And the part where we have our first kiss
But this ain't a movie
I know you can't come with me
You got your life
He better be treatin you good
So good
You got your life
He better be treatin you right
Somethin bout the way
Somethin bout the way you look
In my eyes
You make everything so damn easy
So easy that I don't got to worry bout a thing
And baby when we touch
All I can see is the image of us
Sitting by the ocean
Just before the dusk
Sippin on a juice box and
Sand between our toes
This is the part when we say were in love
And the part where we have our first kiss
But this ain't a movie
I know you can't come with me
You got your life
He better be treatin you right
Just tell me you don't love me
Tell me you don't feel the same way that I do
Tell me I don't make you smile
Like I do when you walk in the room
You're so hard to let go
This is the part when we say were in love
And the part where we say it's forever
But this ain't a fantasy
I know you can't come with me
You got your life
He better be treatin you right
This hurts so much to know that you're
With someone else when you should be with me
It's just hard to accept that I can't be around
He better be treatin you good
I'm no Einstein but I know a sign
When I see one
And I know you love me too
I know you love me too
This is the part when we say were in love
And the part where we have our first kiss
But this ain't a movie
I know you can't come with me
You got your life
He better be treatin you good
So good
You got your life
He better be treatin you right
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